Hey guys I'm Seth Everman. I'm a YouTuber and musician. Most people know me as the bald guy who plays piano. I also used to be the world's biggest tumblr user for a few years until I got tired of it and quit the platform. I have created viral videos, tweets, images, memes, and sounds across many social media platforms. I have the world's most liked YouTube comment. I have also done the following:

• Composed a classical music piece supposed to be performed for the Queen of Sweden, but she was sick that day and didn't attend.
• Played roulette once in my life betting on a single number, which hit, giving me a 100% win rate at roulette. I will never play again.
• Been charged at by wild bears (multiple times)
• Been in a plane accident which left me traumatized and afraid of flying to this day.
• Never been recognized in public while wearing a hat (my secret disguise making it possible for me to relax while walking around in public) until January 1st 2021. Thanks a lot Hector at McDonald's...

I also have multiple weird kinds of synesthesia (google it) when it comes to music, dates, the days of the week, and all kinds of weird crap. I don't know what's wrong with my brain except for the severe mental illness haha. Ask me anything!
I will be answering questions right now, BUT I will also come back in 24 hours and answer more questions. I always end up finding reddit posts too late when they've already died out, so this is for the people like myself.
Proof: https://twitter.com/setheverman/status/1350125124201156611

Honestly, im a newbie here and I won’t even start to pretend that I know anything about the stock market. Ive been glued to this sub for a week now and have been reading most of the DD posts. And honestly, most of it were purely speculation. They were really compelling and most of it made sense (to a degree) so that I myself bought into it when it was at 80$, averaged UP a lot (i know im a retard), missed the exit point when it was at the top and now Im holding the bag as a reminder to at least take out some cash when its going good. But thats just a side note.
All of you belittling the holders, such as myself, don’t pretend that you know what’s gonna happen next. Bc your guess is as good as anyones. You have as little information as the rest of us. We all might know whats likely to happen but you don’t run up into a casino and laugh at a guy who goes all in on a number on the roulette table. ITS A GODDAM BET. And yes, the odds of this thing going to the moon are not very good. But it could be still possible. (Don’t ask me how or why, I don’t know jack shit, remember?) So how about you take a step back and let the people who have still skin in the game gamble? If you have more skin in this than you can afford get out and get help. Seriously. But the rest of us. Fuck it ill be going through this hellhole right now just to see if there’s maybe a rocketship waiting for us after all to yeet us right up to the moon and beyond.If not. Well it’ll be the same situation as it is now, most of the money is gone anyways. Imagine texas holdem. The price to see the next card is already paid. So you might aswell stick around to actually see the next card.

I love Icon, the technology and use case speak for themselves. I'm a marketing / consumer behavior guy, based on my experience with IconEX and IconBet here are some suggestions to improve the end-user side of things:
ICONex: Really good wallet, staking is super easy. The problem is with the p-rep organization. When you stake, you then choose P-Reps to vote for. But the P-Reps are listed in random order with no supplemental information. I get it, if you rank them by popularity then people will blindly vote for the top few and there is no communal value generated. But what if you categorized the p-reps by their vision / area? ICONbet could be under a "gambling" category, people who want to prioritize marketing like (P)eter-Rep would be under a "marketing" category, etc. Or just list some bulletpoints under each p-rep with this info. Its crazy to think that people are going to independently research all these p-reps, so make it as EASY as possible for people to know relevant info so they can make an informed choice. If the ICON community agrees marketing is the big issue, they should be able to easily identify and vote for p-reps who prioritize that.
Again on the p-rep selection, you can search for a p-rep by typing in their official name. But a lot of times there are aliases / different names and the search generates no results. Incorporate a keyword feature where if I type in Peter, (P)eter-Rep comes up, I shouldn't have to type in the name exactly right. How was I supposed to know he has parenthesis around the P in his name? Make it easy for me. He just launched Catena.One, I should be able to type that in and see the p-rep behind it. If I type in bet, IconBet should show up. Make it easy. This is the official ICON wallet, it needs to be as fine-tuned as possible.
For secondary token staking rewards, I like the idea, there is solid potential there. But the use case as presented is a little hazy for me. I'd love the ability to use those secondary tokens to vote for how the project / p-rep should perform. Maybe I have some of (P)eter's tokens and I have the ability to help advance and guide his marketing efforts by voting or using those tokens. Say I have some ICBX or TAP tokens and ICONbet releases a poll, "what feature should we add next, etc.". Let me vote and participate, I want to help. The ICON community wants to help. Let the people have control and visibility into the projects, thats the ICON way.
DAPPS: Why isn't there a direct way to see / visit the DAPPs from IconEX? MIW has this feature and is a necessity imo, how else are people going to learn about and grow the community if they don't know what DAPPs exist and how to access them? Speaking of DAPPs
ICONbet: I was so pumped to try this for the first time and man there is so much more potential there. These DAPPS need to be as user-friendly as possible to build a following and grow. Why can't I bet on sports here, why can't I bet on other international things? Blackjack, Roulette and Dice are great but thats not even scratching the surface. Betting is going to skyrocket in the USA as it becomes legalized, position yourself accordingly to take advantage of that trend and grow the ICON ecosystem with a top-notch betting / gambling DAPP.
Coinbase: Agreed Coinbase isn't needed for ICX to succeed, but man oh man would it help. What is the best way to get a good chance at a listing? Publicity, marketing. Make people aware of the possibilities of Icon. The brand already looks dope, the name is easy to remember, just invest in some digital marketing and PR to let the public know about Icon and pretty soon, people will want to buy it. That is what gets Coinbase interested. They don't care about Rosetta if they don't think there will be a market for a coin. Let's show them the market not only exists but is about to explode.
If any of my info is wrong, my apologies. Just a marketing man trying to help ICON grow to see its full potential. The technology is there, what isn't there is the marketing and user-friendly aspects. Fine tune those and 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀
Edit: if you're someone skilled in developing DAPPs, and ideally passionate about Icx, shoot me a DM. I've got a business proposition for you.

Ok so this post mirrors my post from almost 6 months ago when I posted about Hertz the day it reached its top of 6+ dollars after already announcing bankruptcy (it went from like 50 cents to 6+ dollars). You can see my submitted post history for that. Since this is an options post, I'll talk about something that rarely anyone ever talks about but impacts options pricing - the borrow rate - so that it's an informative post too even if you aren't interested in QS.
For the record I'm posting this as QS is 105 AH 12/21 so I can look back in 3-6 months. First, I'm not short QS so I don't want to hear some comment below saying you are just desperate because you are taking a huge loss. I'm posting this as a warning/advice just like when I posted about Hertz because at this point it's actually extremely negative expected value (EV) to go long QS through call options/shares.
First the IV is ridiculously high. There could be many situations that play out in which you can buy calls, it goes up 10%, and you will end up down. Second, one of the reasons for why anyone would buy QS is to collect the borrow rate, which is insane. However, most brokers don't give the customer this borrow or if they do, don't give the full borrow. For RH, you get none of this borrow, so this alone makes this very -EV at these price points. Finally, the most obvious reason, it's quite clear this stock is overvalued as it won't even have any revenue or sales for a few years. It's similar to NKLA actually (look at that chart when it briefly hit 90 earlier this year).
The stock is undergoing a short squeeze with high borrow rates, which is causing this spike, but historically these stop pretty fast and when it pulls back, all those calls/shares will lose value. There's like plenty of examples of this just this year, and the goal is obviously not to buy at the top. The main issue is also when it pulls back, it doesn't usually EVER bounce back up. See the NKLA bagholders at 90, HTZ bagholders at 6, KODK bagholders at 55, etc.
In the case you just wanted to just gamble, it's actually not a bad stock to purely gamble. However, there are plenty of better gambles out there that should return a higher expected return. Second, gambling is fine but we all know what happens when you play roulette in the long run. Sure you can hit that 23 number you bet on, but the more you push it, the quicker all of that goes away. So that's why this is a fair warning. You can gamble and you might win even for a short time period, but most will be left holding the bag. And when they hold the bag, they hold it all the way down.
I also wouldn't outright short this right now unless you want to sell a long dated call spread/naked OTM long-dated call. As I mentioned, the IV and borrow are extremely high, so a short term long puts strategy will have an extremely tough time printing. Furthermore, it's somewhat hard to short the stock with this high borrow, and that borrow is embedded in puts too. However, longer term, it's clearly a short at these levels, but you have to do it in some more unique ways as I mentioned above.
Finally, if QS spikes up from this 105 AH number, I guarantee you there will be some idiots who are gonna be posting here in the comments section about how they were right/I was wrong (see the HTZ comments). I'm ok with that. That means I didn't call the top exactly perfectly, but as I said, you can revisit this post in 3-6 months. Ironically on HTZ, the day after I posted, it did actually go up that day (to 6+), got a lot of shit comments, and I'm sure 100% of those guys lost money since it has never even seen anywhere close to that price ever again as the next day was the top. So same situation here. Just a fair warning. If anything, at least you learned how borrow rates affect options pricing and short positions.

Edit: I try not to “edit thanks” but this post has a huge effect on my morale, so thank you, really. I’m going to share a little bonus. I didn’t realize it when I was writing this earlier but I took a break of Gambit last season. I just couldn’t handle the Truth, lol. But there’s an important reason why I came back to Gambit this season. I’m fostering a New Light and she took a liking to it. I was Dredgen something like the first month of Season 4, crazy how it rang with the “PvE focused and apt PvP who does -only likes Iron Banner- not like the Crucible. player that I am. Well, she took my seasoned advice and assimilated it with an ease with which I can not cope. She’s really good at it and after every game, she watches the scoreboard (something I never really cared to look at before she came along) and scolds the other two guys out loud (we’re in a party, she’s not an asshole) if they killed and did not bank. She gets more angry at them than I ever did. Now I’m starting to hate them too. She’s a real bad influence on m- just kidding. My advice was just telling her what Drifter told me: says in-game. “Don’t waste any motes” So when he says that, it rings with her and let me tell you Guardians, she does not waste any motes. No pun intended. “You put her up against the nastiest horrors you could find in this system and she laughs in your face as she kills 'em! I’mma pay her now”: show her this post!
I’m looking at the scoreboard with the experience of 9 seasons of Gambit. I knew we just wrecked it out there and I feel confident in my performance. I just hope the crowd goes wild and Drifter is getting richer selling my Ghost’s feed. I don’t care about the consequences anymore. I just want the loot, man.
Anyway, as for the last 4 or 5 games: I’m on top. I’m not bragging, I didn’t win the last 5 games. I just was at the top of my team. Gambit is governed by Lady Luck when you play as a free agent. Actually it’s more like Russian Roulette. With a double-barrelled shotgun. I just play the odds, and that brings me back to my initial point:
I see some New Lights eager to join in the fight on the Frontier, happy to sow death and destruction in the name of getting a weapon. A weapon! Hahaha! They’re not satisfied with the infinite arsenal at our disposal. Gimme a Roderic-C and get outta my way, New Light! The weapon is not the answer. Their mind is not even hungry and yet, they shred everything -bio or not- to parts and don’t look back.
I smirk.
I was like that once. I remember all the losses more than I remember the wins. Looking back, they taught me that hurting others is not the answer. Eating them and not getting caught is the answer! Now before you yell... I’m talking about the motes, not the corpses. Life hits hard. Sometimes you don’t wanna eat it anymore because you find out you were just eating too much of it. I’m talking about depression, but I don’t want to go into more details about that. You get the gist.
The consistency I noted in my last 5 games is I’m often the only one who kills combattants roughly as much as they bank. Below me are those who have to run like crazy and can’t shoot anything because there’s the third and/or fourth guy that’s just putting the Rambo death count to shame, with a huge smile and amped up crazy eyes under their helmet I’m willing to bet.
Never bite more than you can chew, Kiddo. That’s what I would tell my past self. I’ve had my own personal Beyond Light and as I grow wiser, I’m learning to feel my hunger and balance it. Since the changes of Beyond Light in the game though -and a healthy dose of Shadebinder- I found out that killing is fine, decay is the enemy. What is important is to only kill what you will eat before it decays. Then quickly barf that to Drifter. This rat will eat anything.
Helmerald transmats

TLDR: Met a guy on Tinder while lonely and depressed. We talked every day on the phone, but couldn't meet because of Covid. He invited me to join him on a Chinese investing app. I didn't question him because I was attached and blindly trusted him. Invested my entire life savings and took debt into the app to invest into "our future". I now can't withdraw that money and also found out I was catfished. Heart-broken, depressed, and will probably be homeless. The guy doesn't know this, and is still taking to me trying to get me to invest more.
​
I met a guy on Tinder, he seems really nice and smart. We quickly moved to talking every day on the phone. He would frequently send me pictures of himself or what he's doing. We also started talking about hobbies and one of our common ones was investing. He lured me with screenshots of this Usdt investing / betting app, and all the hundreds of thousands of dollars he made.
I wanted in since he said that he analyses the data, and only bets when he has good data. He was very dodgy when I kept asking him what the data he is using is - and only saying he will teach me later down the road. So the betting app (yes he marketed as investing USDT, but it's purely betting roulette) has multiple tiers with min balance requirements - 0,20k,50k,150k. Over time , I made 10-15% principle each time I traded with him, so eventually I invested over 150k into the apo because he convinced me that the larger players have more steady volume for analysis. I'm so dumb, and it was all through bitcoins to an app that has no information other than the customer service whatsapp that takes my questions and deposits. He even encouraged me by continually matching my deposits in order to 'help' me earn more. He was such a sweet talker, painting the future we could have together traveling and buying houses around the world.
A couple hiccups - I tried to outsmart the system and placed bets on 4 different options, and since they had positive odds at the 150k tier, would have been guaranteed profits. This caused me to get flagged for money laundering where I then I had to cough up 3% of my balance as a penalty fee within 24 hours or risk my account getting frozen forever. Fine, I thought it was unreasonable, but my fault. I scrambled, asked for favors, and borrowed money to pay the 17k ransom (yes the amount grew with my and his deposits combined). After that resolved, we were ready to make some big money in Dec - since my tinder date says Dec has historically great data for betting. He also showed me a promotion the app was running where we could wnter as a couple, and win prizes depending on how much we deposited. The only one we were eligible for was the 500k deposit one, and of course, we both just needed 1-200k more to finish the challenge and win "free" money. I never should have agreed to this either, but my tinder date's optimism won me over. Now we are stuck in another drama where my tinder date convinced me to participate in the couples challenge, where if we deposit 500k each, we get rewarded 125k. Too good to be true? Yes, but I was blinded. Little did I know as well, that if you don't complete the challenge by the end of 2020, apparently the penalty is losing 3% of the balance every day until you lose 60%.
I'm at such a lost in trying to borrow more funds, as my tinder date continues to pressure me and guilt trip me as he helps me contribute tens of thousands in as well. It's a scam, I'm pretty sure he can manipulate the numbers. The pivot point that woke me up, was when I was forced to ask friends to lend me money (and that they were also going to get loans to help me out). In order to not screw over friends I decided to do more due diligence again. Then I found it, I finally found some of the pictures he used in our WhatsApp conversations online from a chinese real life people photo bank. I haven't revealed that I know about the scam and am still in conversation, but I'm still trying to figure out how i can possible get my money back on this.
I've literally deposited my life savings as well as took out loans and debt to try to complete the deposit challenge. I'm going to be in debt and living paycheck to paycheck for awhile. This is a good lesson - I was emotionally blinded by a guy that would sweet talk with me every day, asking about me, and caring about me. I so efficiently found money to deposit into this scam app, without doing my normal due diligence because I was blinded by .. love? I feel like crap and am just hoping to resolve this well somehow...
Update: I really appreciate the support from redditors here, and I hope this provides a story that others can remember that getting catfished sucks. I've contacted police, IC3, FTC, and a couple of lawyers. The only advise is to see if police will investigate, but I was told chances are slim to none because the culprit is probably not in the country. I'm still chatting with my scammer, and am so far holding family troubles as an excuse to not have any more money to give. He's very persistent though, and still has that silver tongue. Honestly I'm not sure what kind of outcome I am hoping for by not simply blocking him at this point.

I was asked to make a post about some stories within the Casino grounds so I thought I'd share. I have many so I'll do my best to pick the better ones.
Some back information: I've been a Casino Dealer for 11 years, I've been a supervisor for five years, and I've been a Surveillance Operator for one year. I've worked at three properties, none of which are connected or owned by the same company. I've worked on : Government/Private/Native American owned casinos.

1. From Hero to Zero.

At my first Casino, I was one of the first group of people who were trained to deal Roulette . After 4 weeks of working 6PM-3AM then doing roulette training from 3AM-8AM (Not paid) , I actually really enjoyed the game and after about six months I became extremely quick at the number game and the pace of the action was steady with very low margin of errors. Young man walks in, cashes in for $500. He buys in for $2 chips and just loads the board. After a few spins and pretty decent hits, he then changes his chips from $2 to 5$ then to $10 and racks his winnings up to $10,000. It was then, five spins in a row, he loaded the board with some pretty gross bets, and every spin I would hit the ONE number with either NO CHIPS on it, or maybe 1 chip , He lost all $10,000 in a matter of minutes. He leaves , and I go on break. After my break I was going back to the same table and wouldn't you know it, the same young man walks in and cashes in another $500. He tells me he just sold his car outside and this is all that he had left. So we do the same deal, buys in for $2 chips, then slowly starts betting $5 chips, $10, $25...and he makes $10,000 AGAIN. Within the next 25 minutes it was straight agony. Every spin, same thing, he would bet $2500 in chips, and win only $250, $400, and after about a half hour he lost it all . Never saw the guy again.
2) Man down
At this property, we are 24 hours for table games. It's currently 5AM , and I'm dealing some $25 Blackjack to this guy. He's probably early thirties , heavy guy. He's sober as can be, but right away I can tell he's been losing. We know how much you've bought in for, how much your down, or up, and I could see he was down $2000+. After about twenty minutes of pure losing, his temper starts to flare.At this point I now have two other guests at my table. Drinking coffee, not saying a word, just losing their money. After losing hand, after hand, this guy looks me straight in the eye, seized up, starts shaking, he can't move. He tries to punch towards me and smashes his stack of chips all over the place and falls backwards to the floor. I call for security, we cannot touch him due to liability . I can't move from my table because, well, liability / casino cash property, all I can do is try to talk to him. As I'm doing so, these other two woman who are sitting at my table just look at me and one says "OK, dealer, cmon lets go " as she taps the table telling me to start dealing and forget about the guy having a stroke on the floor. As security takes him to the ambulance out front, I had to stay behind for a couple minutes and give a statement. I go on break. I come back, and 45 minutes later, he comes right back in with a oxygen tank and keeps gambling for the remainder of the morning.
3) You get a dildo, and YOU get a dildo!
On a late summer Saturday night, we had a large event for these massive muscle guys/strongman competition type thing. After their show, I'm at the roulette table , and five of these boys come over to play. They were absolutely hilarious. They were feeling pretty good, cashed in somewhat large amounts and I could tell this was going to be a fun time. After about a hour of dealing to these guys, it's almost midnight, everybody is pretty hammered , I spin the ball, and all five of these guys take out these god damn (what I can only tell was) two feet purple dildos from inside their pants, and wiping them around in the air. The ladies were just loving it, one of the dildos landed in the roulette wheel and we had to shut the table down to re-calibrate the wheel to make sure nothing had been changed. I just remember that night was so much damn fun, I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I would never forget it.
4) Full Moon
On this day, I was actually training dealers / supervising them on small games like Three Card poker. We opened the table at 10AM, and this older man came and sat down . He played all day. The jackpot was $21,000 and that was pretty high for this table. He played, and played and played. He's one of the players where you know he's wearing a diaper because he's been drinking coffee/pop all day and hasn't moved in eight hours. As the day went on, this man never moved from his chair. Getting closer to midnight, he was aggravated and said "I need to go have a smoke, I'm getting killed in here". He left, and the very next hand, the lady beside him was dealt the jackpot . He didn't say much, but you could just tell he just hated life at that very moment because had he not gotten up, it would of been his hand. The man calmly took his cane , his hat, jacket, coffee, and left. The next morning I found out when he did leave he drove his car straight through his bank and was arrested.
5) Slick Robber
I actually give props to people who can actually pull this off. This story may confuse you so I'll try and explain things as best as possible. A lot of casinos have machines as soon as you walk through the front doors. A man walks up to one of these machines and sticks in HIS $100 bill. He doesn't gamble it, instead he hits the cash out button and gets a $100 TITO ticket where he then takes the ticket to the ATM machine to get his $100. Now remember, his Original $100 is in the slot machine. He then takes the $100 from the ATM and goes back to the same machine, and repeats this process over a hundred times. Essentially he's taking money from the ATM, and loading up the Slot Machine . Now he knows he can't do it too much because if the slot machine gets full of money, the machine will shut down and the slow attendant will have to take all the cash out. So he deposits over $10,000 , then has a small crowbar, he cracks the machine open and makes a run out the front door. To my knowledge he was never caught . But damn, that was pretty smart .
EDIT:
6) Mental Health is a thing.
10PM man walks in to play some high limit BlackJack. This guy knows the game and played well. Dressed nice, drank juice/tea , a little bit of a attitude, cashed in over $10,000. When this man was half way down his buy in, he said something a long the lines of "If I don't win here tonight, I'm going to go set myself on fire." I wasn't sure if he was serious because when people are down, they tend to say a lot of nonsense. I actually left early that night, and from a third party was told he did exactly that in the parking lot. The next day it was clear something terrible had gone wrong in the parking lot .
EDIT:
7) Nothing good happens after midnight
After a busy Saturday night, I was dealing a mix of games, and during this story I was in the middle of Blackjack. I had one young kid (probably 19) sitting in the middle, one older male probably in his later 40's sitting beside him on his right, and I had a really nice couple in their 20's sitting together at the other side. This young kid wasn't playing just sort of watching, and ever time the old man won he would give this young guy some of his winnings. The older man, was a wine drinker, and he had black between all of his teeth, I'll never forget. He's a little drunk but nothing terrible. As the night goes on, the older man goes and uses the washroom, at which point the couple asked the young guy "Oh was that your dad?" and the young guy says "Hah, no I wish!". The couple and I just looked at each other. This old guy, was in complete control over this kid. Absolutely disgusting. The night ends, and I find out the couple called a few of their friends, and they all waited outside by this old mans truck and beat the living hell out of him. 40 years old, sleeping with a 19 year old, completely brain washed . Very weird.
8) That one co-worker where you just wish they would quit.
One of our co-workers, nice guy but had a very big ego and we as employees just sorta left him alone. One day he had enough of the atmosphere and quit. Now usually when you quit, you cannot come back until you paperwork is finalized. How ever, HR was in that day, and he was given the paperwork the very next day. He came in, cashed in $1000, and made $50,000 in about a hour at the Baccarat table. My manager, was extremely annoyed, because now this guy is just mocking the casino and having the time of his life (Thanks for the big tip by the way :) ) and so he decides to call it quits. He wants to ban himself and he wants $50,000 in cash. The casino says Nope, we are going to give you a cheque. Now here's the thing, most business people will take the cheque, how ever you CANT CASH the cheque until the following monday because it's on that day where the funds are available. The casino on the other hand will cash their own check in anytime , because they want you to play. So this guy pretty much said go to hell I want my cash, and he called the police. Police show up, and management promptly gave him the cash.I though it was absolutely hilarious .
​
9) No good deed goes un punished
I was dealing Three Card Poker, and the jackpot was around $17,000. This old man (a regular) was sitting there all day grinding it out. Super nice guy, always a pleasure to deal to. Well, after hours of playing, he stands up and says "Hey john!, can you come here for a minute?" so his buddy John comes over. He says to John "I need to go take a piss real quick, can you play my card until I get back?" John agrees . John takes the chips and I stop him and explain he can't play his friends chips, he needs to cash in and play his own. And he does. Welp, second hand out and bam, doesn't he win it. The old man comes back and is so happy, he can't believe it. John, took his $17,000, didn't say a word to his "buddy" and walked away. I never felt so much hatred in all my life. Didn't give him a dollar, not a thank you, nothing. The old man sits back down again, the progressive resets to $2500, and he sat there grinding away again.
10) The Top Knot
I had this player , young guy, who was born into a fortune. One of his relatives passed away and left him a pretty big sizable amount of money, so he played poker every single day for the rest of his days. I will add, he IS a good player. I did not enjoy his company just because of the "Know-it-All" attitude, but he was good. We'll call him John. John is 5'10, and well build, with muscle. John also decided today was the day to show off his Top Knot. (google top knot if you're not sure what I mean) So he sits down, and he's absolutely KILLING the table. Every hand, after hand, after hand. And because he's in such a good mood, he's playing any two cards, calling any $500 bet, and he's just dominating. This one guy at the table decided he had enough. He got up, without saying a word and left. A moment later, he comes back in, walks behind John, and takes a pair of scissors , and cuts off his Top Knot. I for one couldn't believe it, dying laughing inside, and it just turned into one big brawl. That was a good day.
11) That one bad seed
One of my best friends who I haven't seen in YEARS ended up being part of the crew. Was kind of nice to catch up. We never really got along as we grew up because he has a very high picture of himself . He wanted that 10/10 woman. A mansion, and a new Corvette. So every month or so we would all go up to the other casino to play. I myself would bring no more than $500, but I couldn't understand how this guy (we'll call him Kyle) was spending THOUSANDS of dollars at the tables. So this wen on for a few months. Well, one day, as we're closing the casino, he and I are in the High Limit room and we're getting ready to close the tables. We are told to take the chips out, count them, put them back, sign this piece of paper and that's it. Well as the supervisor was locking the tray, the piece of paper fell to the floor, so she asked Kyle to grab the piece of paper. As he bends over, a great big $500 chip falls right out of his sock. Kyle was fired immediately , but it all made sense. They offered Kyle a deal where if he replaced all the stolen chips they would not make it public. Not sure how that turned out.
12) If I ever decide to write a book, this will be the last chapter: <3
After working at my first Casino for five years, I met a Indian woman who was visiting from another part of the country. During this time I was explaining a game to her, which honestly I don't think she even cared. She explained she was visiting and sight seeing , and that was that.Well, two years later I ended up moving to the other side of the country and transferred casinos, and low and behold she worked there as a Dealer. We got married , and it's been 5 years.
13) The Tip
One of our tables that we've had for a couple years had a progressive jackpot that had reached $100,000. The dealer at the table was sitting pretty lonely. Nobody really played the game because people knew it was extremely difficult to win the jackpot. My memory is a tad foggy, but you somehow needed to flop the royal flush. This young guy sits down and says to the dealer, we'll call him John. "John, if you pay me that jackpot, I will tip you $10,000" Well John started dealing, and about a half hour into his shift, he F*cking did it. He dealt him the royal. And you know something?This young lad, kept his word, and he made sure there was a audience, and he tipped exactly $10,000. That was a moment right there. That pay cheque was real nice. I think we all got about $500 more than usual. The moment that jackpot was awarded they got rid of the table because the money it was making was not near what the casino wanted. I'm sure there have been bigger tips at other casinos, but that was something special .
14) The Lawsuit
Now this story I'm going to have to beat around the bush a bit due to the nature of what happened. I can't won't answer any questions that you may have on this topic other than what I have to say because it had a lot of publicity . The waitresses at this casino had to wear very thin sexy clothes. Not borderline legal, but it was noticed. One day they called all the waitresses to come in and explained they were changing their outfit to something even more sexier. Now these new dresses were very very borderline legal . The staff said No way. We're not wearing that.So , friday night comes, and the staff work their whole shift, then at the end of their shift were called into a meeting and were all fired. Welp, one of those ladies father was a pretty big time lawyer. Brough the casino to court and won. They won big. Good for them. We had no waitresses for a couple days haha.
Thanks for reading along, I have many more I can add as the day goes on, those were just some off the top of my head. Feel free to ask any questions of the Casino industry. I don't really have many stories about the surveillance department because that's the one area where I can't really say a whole lot due to its privacy and contracts I was and still am under.

My approach: All of the supplements I take are naturally occurring in our bodies and are required for our cells to function. Thus, by definition, I am supplementing and not “adding”. Almost all of these have real, clinical evidence backing up their usefulness.
Why I don´t take supplements that are not naturally occurring in our bodies. (feedback appreciated): I personally am against "unnatural" supplements (e.g. ashwagandha, bacopa, etc.). A well-researched supplement (rare) that has been proven by multiple independent research groups (rare) to provide benefits without major adverse effects (rare), given it comes from a reliable manufacturer ensuring dosage and purity and consistency and quality (very, very rare), might indeed have (some of) the benefits a pharmaceutical drug has. For example, ashwaghanda might be one of the few that fits that description given it is from a reliable manufacturer that can ensure dosage, purity, consistency, quality. (I bet over 90% of manufacturer can´t and don´t.)
Here is a list of the supps I take.

• EPA/DHA: 2g/d
• Vitamin D: 20.000iu/w
• Magnesium: 400mg/prebed
• Melatonin: 0.25mg/prebed
• NAC: 2x 500mg/d
• ALA: 2x 250mg/d
• CoQ10: 150mg/d
• TMG: 2x 1g/d
• b-Alanine: 2x 400mg/d
• L-Citrulline: 1000mg/d
• L-Carnitine: 2x 500mg/d
• Prebiotics: 5g inulin/acacia fiber + 5–10g psyllium/d
• SAMe: 400mg/d
• Taurine: 1g/prebed
• Niacin: 2x 500mg/d

I wrote an article about why exactly I chose these supplements. You can read about my reasoning and the benefits of these supplements (and other tips, tricks, dangers, things to be aware of) in detail here.
I also did a ranking of these and a cost-benefit analysis at the end.
I know there are many antioxidants in my stack. Although I think the dosages are low/reasonable, what do you guys think? I am open for any criticism, feedback, different opinions. Humanity is all about collective learning :)
How much does it cost me? I do take all of them at rather low dosages, which costs me about 400$ per year. I for myself have 35 pillboxes. Every 5 weeks it takes me about 1 hour to prepare all of my drugs&supps for the following 5 weeks. I then swallow all of them with a glass of water, two times per day. This takes no thought and time whatsoever. However, if I had to take all of my supplements individually, it would take forever and suck.
Usefulness: Some for sure, some maybe, for some it depends. Harm/Risk: None?
Some of them are very important and everyone should take them (magnesium, Omega-3´s, vitamin D), whereas some others might lead to a favorable change in equilibria in a variety of processes (i.e., have a slight benefit). And at the end of the day 1$ is 1$. Depending on our diet and endogenous synthesis, supplementing with some of these might in fact be useless and superfluous, but because they are naturally occurring in our bodies, adding them at reasonable dosages at least does no harm (e.g. screw up drug metabolism, hepatic and renal injury, off-target effects). Given that our dosage is reasonable and our manufacturer reliable.
Personally, though I do not like to play roulette when my health is at stake. When it comes to supplements, I try to avoid anything that is not naturally found in our bodies, but rather I opt for stuff for which there is no guessing game as to all of these unknowns (safety, efficacy, off-target effects, drug metabolism, potency, purity, consistency, quality).

Ok so this post mirrors my post from almost 6 months ago when I posted about Hertz the day it reached its top of 6+ dollars after already announcing bankruptcy (it went from like 50 cents to 6+ dollars). You can see my submitted post history for that. Since this is an wallstreetbets post, I'll talk about something that rarely anyone ever talks about but impacts options pricing - the borrow rate - so that it's an informative post too even if you aren't interested in QS.
For the record I'm posting this as QS is 105 AH 12/21 so I can look back in 3-6 months. First, I'm not short QS so I don't want to hear some comment below saying you are just desperate because you are taking a huge loss. I'm posting this as a warning/advice just like when I posted about Hertz because at this point it's actually extremely negative expected value (EV) to go long QS through call options/shares.
First the IV is ridiculously high. There could be many situations that play out in which you can buy calls, it goes up 10%, and you will end up down. Second, one of the reasons for why anyone would buy QS is to collect the borrow rate, which is insane. However, most brokers don't give the customer this borrow or if they do, don't give the full borrow. For RH, you get none of this borrow, so this alone makes this very -EV at these price points. Finally, the most obvious reason, it's quite clear this stock is overvalued as it won't even have any revenue or sales for a few years. It's similar to NKLA actually (look at that chart when it briefly hit 90 earlier this year).
The stock is undergoing a short squeeze with high borrow rates, which is causing this spike, but historically these stop pretty fast and when it pulls back, all those calls/shares will lose value. There's like plenty of examples of this just this year, and the goal is obviously not to buy at the top. The main issue is also when it pulls back, it doesn't usually EVER bounce back up. See the NKLA bagholders at 90, HTZ bagholders at 6, KODK bagholders at 55, etc.
In the case you just wanted to just gamble, it's actually not a bad stock to purely gamble. However, there are plenty of better gambles out there that should return a higher expected return. Second, gambling is fine but we all know what happens when you play roulette in the long run. Sure you can hit that 23 number you bet on, but the more you push it, the quicker all of that goes away. So that's why this is a fair warning. You can gamble and you might win even for a short time period, but most will be left holding the bag. And when they hold the bag, they hold it all the way down.
I also wouldn't outright short this right now unless you want to sell a long dated call spread/naked OTM long-dated call. As I mentioned, the IV and borrow are extremely high, so a short term long puts strategy will have an extremely tough time printing. Furthermore, it's somewhat hard to short the stock with this high borrow, and that borrow is embedded in puts too. However, longer term, it's clearly a short at these levels, but you have to do it in some more unique ways as I mentioned above.
Finally, if QS spikes up from this 105 AH number, I guarantee you there will be some idiots who are gonna be posting here in the comments section about how they were right/I was wrong (see the HTZ comments). I'm ok with that. That means I didn't call the top exactly perfectly, but as I said, you can revisit this post in 3-6 months. Ironically on HTZ, the day after I posted, it did actually go up that day (to 6+), got a lot of shit comments, and I'm sure 100% of those guys lost money since it has never even seen anywhere close to that price ever again as the next day was the top. So same situation here. Just a fair warning. If anything, at least you learned how borrow rates affect options pricing and short positions.

Hi guys! This is a history of all of Glossier’s limited edition holiday launches with a little bit of background on how Glossier came to be. I might make a part two focused on their core launches and what put Glossier on the map or something that focuses on their various popups if you’d be interested in hearing about that! Also, most of my information in this post came from their blog Into the Gloss as well as various style magazine articles and I’ll have those sources linked throughout if you’d like to see more.

2014

In October of 2014, Glossier was born as an extension of Weiss’s incredibly popular blog, Into the Gloss. With their core four products - Skin Tint, Soothing Face Mist, Balm Dot Com, and Priming Moisturizer - Glossier’s initial launch was a massive success. This launch was called the Summer Edition Phase 1 Set, with plans for them to launch four new products every six weeks. Fun fact: Emily Weiss herself actually hand delivered many of the first orders on launch day!
That holiday season, the first limited edition set was released on December second: a “liquid foil” eyeliner duo for $28. If you click the link, you can see just how much Glossier’s aesthetic has evolved over the years. The two promotional photos for the liners were edgier and more chaotic, a far cry from the generally ethereal and emotionless photos used today.
Released in the shades silver and gold, the liquid liners were housed in black tapered plastic bottles. In the words of Weiss, she created this product because she was “so over the holiday red lip.” You can see the silver liner in action here from Digital Manager Rebecca Zhou’s holiday party look. Amusingly enough, Glossier’s tweet about their liners amassed exactly one like (everyone should hype them up right now - I bet they’d be so confused).

2015

For their 2015 holiday launch, Glossier had a set of six single use masks in each of their current mask formulas. The current Glossier calligraphy used in this year’s holiday launch was actually made in 2015 to house this set, called the Mask Duo Set. With a plush terry cloth headband tucked in every box, this retailed for $38 and is one of their less known releases. As a side note, if anyone has anything from this set please please please PM me - I want this so badly!!

2016

In 2016, Glossier released their iconic and now highly coveted Black Tie Set. Initially only sold as a set for $50, they later sold each item separately on December 6th. Housed in minimalistic white packaging with their iconic G embossed on the front and the remark “we’re all snowflakes”, the set was wrapped in a black satin bow and contained, in their own words,
The No. 1 Eyeliner in Graphite, a soft black that's universally flattering and easy to use for a flick or a smoky eye, conveniently with a smudging sponge at the end of the pencil ($16)
Haloscope in special-edition Moonstone, an opalescent glaze that's cooler-toned with flecks of pink and blue—glide on to the half-halo from the cheekbones to the brow bone, plus a little on the bridge of the nose and the Cupid's bow ($22)
#glossierpink nail polish ($12)
A lipgloss for a glassy (never gloppy), long-lasting finish ($14)
Here is a link to view the set on the site through the Wayback Machine.

2017

To my knowledge, Glossier didn’t release any special holiday launches in 2017 perhaps with the exception of the Phase 3 Set, which introduced the brand to the Body Hero line in September as well as Glossier You in October, though those weren’t for the holidays in particular.
However, they did release a number of unique sets for the holidays. They came out with the Cloud Paint Quad for $55, Balm Dot Com Trio for $23, Glossier Phase 1 Set for $40, and the Glossier Phase 2 Set for $40 as well. The Phase 1 Set, now known as The 3-Step Skincare Routine, included a full size Milky Jelly Cleanser, Balm Dot Com, and Priming Moisturizer. The Phase 2 Set included a Boy Brow, Gen G lipstick, and Stretch Concealer. Each set was packaged in a translucent pink sleeve with their brand name embossed on the front.

2018

2018 was the year of the infamous Glossier Mirror. The round mirror with a “You Look Good” decal on the bottom was irresistible for many Glossier fans and remains a cult favorite even today. Also [replacing the Phase 2 Set] permanently was the Makeup Set, which is still on the site, and features a Lash Slick, Cloud Paint, and Boy Brow. Also, here are some holiday campaign photos I found!
A sweet, candy colored, fruit themed campaign
Minimalistic florals and light pastels

2019

We probably all remember 2019, but last year, Glossier released the Skincare Edit for the first time, which featured miniatures of their Futuredew, Milky Jelly Cleanser, Rose BDC, Original BDC, Priming Moisturizer Rich, Super Bounce Serum, and headband for $50. With sustainable paper packaging and secured with their signature pink band, the set was a success. Buyers could also receive a BDC Scarf for free with a $60 purchase or buy it alone for $15. Glossier also launched two new sets: The Lipgloss Trio for $44, which remains on the site, and the Colorslide Trio for $47, which is similar to the Colorslide Duo still available.

2020

This year, Glossier has launched their BDC Roulette for $30, which gives the buyer three balms at random in cute gold packaging, the Limited Edition Gold Kit for $75, which features a gold plated G necklace in a pink pouch and a new gold lip gloss in a pink box embossed with the brand embossed in gold cursive, their signature Lip Gloss in Gold, a gloss with gold flecks, and relaunched the Skincare Edit for $50. They also released two pieces of GlossiWear merchandise. They created the bright red G Pal sweater for $40 and its counterpart, the G Pal Scarf for $25. Interestingly, six years ago, Into The Gloss wrote an article about the best gold lip glosses, which emphasized that they loved it because you could see your lips with just a hint of gold sparkle, and that’s exactly what their gloss does.

Some Interesting Things

Raymond Meier has shot a significant number of promotional photos for Glossier. It’s really cool to see which photos were used and which weren’t. Overall, his photography style is much grungier and chaotic than Glossier’s aesthetic but I do think I prefer his eclectic and evocative style, especially with the smeared Gen G’s. He also shot the photo that’s on the BDC scarf. Thoughts?
Another interesting designer is Leslie David, who has graphic, punchy designs from Glossier’s sticker sheets
I really enjoyed looking at Looks Studios take on Glossier Play, especially the video they featured. The website honestly looks like a child made it but the looks are absolutely stunning. I really wish Glossier had used more of their Euphoria-like photos considering Play was a sub launch and could be taken in a different design direction than the more minimalistic Glossier aesthetic.

My thoughts

As Glossier has grown, their holiday launches have seemingly gone from more thoughtful and curated to a ruthless cash grab, as this new gold necklace has shown. Though I don’t think any of their limited edition product launches were particularly noteworthy and seemed like kitsch at best, I feel the prices generally reflected that they were more for the Glossier novelty than anything else. As the years has gone on and Glossier’s cult-like following became more and more apparent, I think Weiss did what Weiss has always done best, which is follow the media. Weiss is an undoubted social media marketing ingenue and seeing a $5 Miami keychain valued at $80 or free postcards and stickers selling anywhere from $10-$20, how could she not feed into it? I don’t blame Glossier at all for capitalizing on their blind popularity, though it is disappointing. Regardless, I’m excited to see what they put out next and how the brand will continue to grow in the years to come. I have the utmost respect for Weiss and how she’s been able to grow the empire she has today.
This was so fun to write and if you guys want to see more about Glossier’s history, please let me know! If I missed anything, please tell me so I can fix it! It was a little hard to find definitive launches at times and I’m unsure if I got everything right. Also, I geeked out a little bit with my boyfriend about the launch of Glossier because they used primarily venture capital funding and my boyfriend’s private equity firm actually was going to work with one of the firms that funded Glossier. Thanks so much for reading!

I used to be a Financial Advisor for a very brief period almost 10 years ago for Peter Schiff. At the time I was in my early 20s and liked a lot of what he said. He frustrates me a lot more now and fails to adapt accordingly. Anyhow, I now run junkiebonds.com. Mostly a website researching US macro and discussing the worst institution ever created: The Federal Reserve.
Here’s some quick advice for beginners and even further on up I’m sure.
I've seen an unbelievable amount of these advertisements in the last few weeks. I just came across a comment in this room about just beginning and who to trust for paid services.
This may seem counterintuitive but if you're just beginning in the stock market DO NOT buy anything for education or trading. All the material you need is available for free online. Investopedia and YouTube have everything.
If you're just beginning you need to educate yourself and make small purchases. Education is the easiest part of trading in the stock market. The hard part is educating yourself about yourself. I've seen a few beginners that trade frequently and have done very well - in all likelihood they'll eventually lose all of their gains(+95% chance at bare minimum).
Stay away from paid services that claim they can help you trade. 99% are bullshit. Only experienced individuals should use these services because those individuals most likely know the few real people or firms that actually provide value. Experienced traders use these services for insight, education, and to help their process. Beginners have other obstacles to deal with first before these would properly benefit them.
Fuck Tim Sykes, those raging bull fucks, and others. They're full of shit. They are just a salesman using flashy marketing. It doesn't mean they haven't ever done well themselves - I think Tim Sykes actually did - but they realize selling hope, making millions, along with a little education is not just more profitable but it also eliminates risk.
In my opinion, I believe I could start a very “successful” subscription service. It’s aggravating seeing these guys because fooling beginners is almost like shooting fish in a barrel. But I’m not going to start a business where 95% of profits are based off of fooling others with slick marketing.
If anybody comes across a service you may be interested in but aren’t sure of its validity, feel free to send it to me and I’ll provide my two cents.
I’m going to explain trading by summarizing how I go about it. I’m not a day trader - I’m not making multiple trades a day and I recommend you do not do that either unless you want to lose money.
Before joining Euro Pacific Capital I would make a few trades a day. 50% of my portfolio was for long term investments 1+ years and the other for my speculation. I was fortunate enough to begin these investments at end of 2008 and early 2009. The long term side would do well and my speculations did alright too. The problem was I had big goals and desires for more wealth even though I had almost doubled the 12500 in less than a year. This led me to abandon stock speculating/trading because gains were too small and slow. However, stock options provided the leverage needed and I thought I had a trading process that would work.
Btw... “back in those days” I was paying 5.99 to buy and then 5.99 again to sell every trade! In 2010 my commissions were well above 2gs.
Reflecting on it now my process was abysmal and I’m surprised I was able to hold up for time I did. I was making reckless trades but one in particular really boosted my confidence. I bought far OTM calls on VXX(volatility) that expired in a few days. It was only a 100 dollars or so.
The market got slaughtered the next day. My calls were up over 4000%. I was up 4,950 dollars at 1205pm and then 4,150 a few minutes later. I believe I exited with a return of just over 4,300% which was a close figure to the actual dollars I made.
Here’s one of the most important points I’ll make: a PROFITABLE trade does not make it a GOOD trade by any means. That’s still one of the largest returns I’ve ever had and certainly the quickest but it was foolish.
It’s like going up to the roulette table and placing money on any number. The outcome of the spin does not change the fact this is a bad decision. Do not fool yourself by thinking your gains are all good decisions or investments. The only way you can have a good bet playing roulette is if you have knowledge or insight which puts the odds in your favor. And the only way you can do that is through some illegal con I believe. However, the market is not roulette. It can be. It can be worse if you make it that way.
Moving on... A few months after the big gain I had steadily lost money and I was getting a bit frustrated ——-
understanding how your emotions impact your thought processes and decision making is fundamental. There’s no manual for this part because every tradeperson is different. Happiness can and will influence your decisions. For some people it may cause them to be less disciplined or open to taking a risk and for others it will do the opposite. Traders create a process to eliminate the effects emotions can have - a simple example is to set a stop loss on a trade so you aren’t trying to guess when or if should prevent further losses or risk it. It’s important for beginners to do this. Do not enter trades where the losses cause worry and stress and you have no idea whether or not to sell. I don’t always have pre determined actions when I trade these days but I’ve also been doing this for over a decade and there are trades where it’s not as important or just not a good strategy. Again, if you’re a beginner please do not do this.
Back to my frustration... I entered an abnormally large call option order attempting to make up some losses - another stupid and beginner mistake. Unfortunately, the next day my parents needed help moving to Florida from Iowa. I had a 5g option that expired in 4 days and I wasn’t at my computer so I put in an order to (stop)sell if it so happens to fall quite a bit. This stock was amazon and it just so happens a negative headline came out right before opening bell. I had no idea bc I was still sleeping and dealing with moving.
The option price was around 5.20 and I had 10. My stop was at 4.
At 1030am we were going out for lunch and I went to check my position.
I was down 4,700 dollars.... because I put a LIMIT at 3.85.
You see, On this trade I went through ETRADE for whatever reason and I knew these sleezy guys sell their order flow - oh, btw Robinhood also sells their stock option orders but it’s really only important for a very small% of ppl - basically ETRADE profits from selling orders to other brokers who then complete your trade. So if these guys can see a price quickly drop and pop back up they’ll execute your order at worst price and then sell it for a profit a second later. Free money.
I was trying to limit any excessive scalping by putting a limit but amazon dropped quickly so E*TRADE of course did not get my order executed. If they were an honest and customer first company the order would’ve been executed and I wouldn’t have lost thousands of dollars. However, ultimately it is my fault and once again a stupid trade.
Trading is different from investing. Being an advisor certainly doesn’t make you a good trader. Advisors are typically there to plan long term investments and get to know their client so they’re able to adjust the risk in their portfolio accordingly.
A year or so after amazon I was working for Peter Schiff. He had really exploded in popularity because his predictions about the housing bubble all came to fruition. As an advisor you can’t trade. I was only there for a year because my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and I left to be with her. I had to save funds and for a few years after didn't trade either.
These days I'm back trading but its much different. I enjoy macro research and writing so i use this to my advantage. In 2020, I made around 40 trades total. Some of these are still open. Most of my trades are options and last a few weeks to months but two open positions don't expire until Jan 2022. Last year I made a return of 135%. I made a few huge mistakes and one out of laziness. Earlier in the year I was up 200%. I believe my process is solid but also needs improvement.
I try to limit my trades and find areas I'm most confident in. I also recommend you do not make hasty decisions. MISSING TRADES can be hard but it's a much better result. 135% really isn't that great of a gain considering how well the market did and the style of my trading. I missed many trades I was really confident in and thought were easy bc I have a strategy that may require 100% of my proceeds into Few positions. It sucks knowing I should've and could've easily had a 400/500% year if I chose to be aggressive. But I stick to my game plan because I'm confident later this year or next my returns will be multiple 1000s of percent. Maybe I'm wrong. We will see. I do best when Im unbelievably confident in an outcome and yet able to remain patient. I find I can do better or much worse if I change these.
My friend that's a girl did better than me because she bought her first and only stock this year which was Tesla. Does it suck underperforming your beginner girl friend having been in this trade for 10 years?
Absolutely.
But all of that noise must be drowned out lol. Everybody has to find their own way and what works best for them. I don't use reddit too often but for some reason I received an invitation to this board and joined tonight. I figured I'd share my thoughts and story and I hope this helped. I didn't proofread this.
My website is junkiebonds.com and you can find me on @Twitter at @junkiebonds - I started both in 2020 but am just really beginning to take off.
I'm always willing to help anybody with questions. Thanks for reading

1. Pool:When someone leaves the table while playing with you, it's annoying, isn't it? So what if the options: Play on alone, wait for player to return, start new game or ask for someone to finish the game with you was added? And what if there was 1 more option besides "Play against Game Guy" and "Play against friend"? It would be called "play alone"/"Training". That's is where you play against yourself to practice. For some people it's just more fun to play against themselves than against Game Guy.
2. Arcade games:This would be added in the green tent and it's also possible to craft it out of stone, metal and 2 sticks (for the controllers). Here there will be many different games you can play to win prizes or even take turns with your friends.
3. Find the Prize!:Game guy, a friend or you yourself, will choose a prize (All of the same value. Well, most) and put it under one of the cups. The more difficult you want it, the more cups will be there. The harder, the more valuable the prize! After it's shuffled you have the chance to choose a cup (maybe something can be added where you can pay a few coins to open another cup. But it will cost more and more for every cup).
4. Bowling:No explanation necessary! Except maybe the options... Play against friends or Game guy and win HUUUGE prizes!
5. Chess:Everyone knows how it works. But what if we added Game Guy, Friends and play alone? Wouldn't it be even MORE fun if there would be prizes? This should be added.
6. Roulette: Bet on where the ball will land and win prizes! See if you can get more prizes than Game Guy or maybe even your friends. Or just play alone if you hate Game Guy and your banned [or if you don't have any friends =( ]. Bigger prizes, the harder it is to guess where it will land.

Also there should be a spectator mode where other players can watch how you and your friends play
More minigame ideas coming soon.
-PTI Idea company and comments.

Barely getting this one in under the wire before the new year! The holidays can be a tough time and I hope all you readers are making a good time of it and staying safe this year! Also all my judgements for being on time are based on my timezone, so far all of you who have been waiting this entire new year for another post? Well here you go! Just in time! As always enjoy!
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Neu Vieumau Joint Occupation Zone
Raiden was pretty happy with how the day was going so far. Get some credits, maybe actually get some new shoes… He wasn’t sure exactly if he should get his hopes up though. Why would the barter shop guy give him something so good for free? Would the human military police not live up to the coupon? His various experiences with the local militia had not exactly warmed him up to the idea that they had his best interests at heart. Yet… when he had called for help in the alleyway that squad of them had come running without hesitation.
Shifting the straps of the small pack a little he felt a growing unease gnawing at his insides as he walked along the streets towards the old police station. There were so many unknowns that could flare up that gave rise to a vast imagination of everything going wrong. He was just one corner away from the street it was on. Since the humans had moved in they’d set up barricades and more security than the old militia had, and just the thought of turning onto the street was making him hesitate. He wanted to consider his options here…
“Raiden!” He turned and saw Lenk and Neff exiting an alley across the street. Lenk was holding a bent pipe in one hand menacingly. Raiden immediately considered his options and turned the corner onto the street with the police station. Whatever else might happen they weren’t Neff and Lenk who were obviously still pissed he’d ruined their chance to scavenge that fancy bot. “Raiden!” He heard him call from around the corner and picked up his speed a little, gripping the straps of his pack as he tried to walk fast enough to make sure he’d get to the barricades, without making it look like he was running away from people exactly.
A little up the street were the sandbags and razorwire being manned by the blue armor human soldiers. Most of them seemed to just be sitting around, two had their helmets off and were smoking. But in the middle of the post and towering above everything else was a three meter tall mech suit. Someone had gone through the trouble of painting a black band on its arm with MP in white letters on the outside. As if that really meant anything. The effect was also somewhat spoiled by the mech having “To Pillage and Stomp” written on the side of its head.
Once Raiden had gotten closer to the barricades he looked back and saw Lenk and Neff round the corner, but stopped short when they realized where they were. “[Can’t hide forever!]” Lenk angrily yelled at him and then they both quickly retreated.
This had gotten the attention of some of the soldiers at the post who looked Raiden’s way when he approached. “What did you do to piss those guys off, kid?” One asked as he neared the opening in the barricades off to the side of the street.
“Yeah I uh… guess they’re mad I fucked their sister.” He responded with the first thing that came to mind. The soldiers around him all laughed at that.
“Hey sorry kid we can’t offer police protection to sister fuckers if that’s why you’re here.” One mentioned with a chuckle.
“No, but we can offer you a smoke.” One of the soldiers who had been smoking pulled a crumpled pack from his armored vest to hold it out.
“Dude, don’t go giving a kid a smoke. Fuck is wrong with you?” Mentioned the other smoking soldier right next to him.
“I’m not saying he has to! Just offering. The kid made me laugh.” Replied the first smoker.
“Uhm…” Raiden eyed the pack being held out. “If I took one it would be just to barter with. Is that okay?”
“I’m offering you a smoke. Don’t have to smoke it here.” The smoker replied with a grin. Raiden nodded and took a cigarette to carefully tuck behind his ear.
“Thanks.” He nodded to the smoker and headed up the stairs into the police station itself. First he noticed the doors had been substantially reinforced, then the moment he stepped inside he was met with a security scanner. A pair of soldiers were manning it, chatting in the middle, but seeing him they split up, one heading to the cargo scanner while the other stood by the frame in the middle.
“Pack on the conveyor. Any sharp objects or hazardous stuff we need to know about?” The first soldier sounding bored out of his mind asked as Raiden approached and unslung his pack to set on the conveyor.
“I don’t think so? I’m making deliveries. It’s… food and stuff. Please don’t open the packages. I would like to get paid. Also be careful cause one of them has a laxative in it.” When he said that the soldier arched a brow but nodded and began to push the bag into the scanner. Raiden headed into the central frame then, already lifting his arms above his head before needing to be told. He was familiar with the operation.
There was a light hum as the scanner… scanned he supposed. Then he heard a light beep. “Hey kid…” This would be it. Something was wrong, or there was a tax they hadn’t mentioned. “You’re too young to smoke.” The soldier manning the scanner frame reached out to take the cigarette from behind his ear.
“Oh, uhm the guy outside gave it to me for making him laugh.” Raiden explained. “I’m not going to smoke it. Just use it to barter for like a candy bar.”
“Huh… alright. Well just remember kid, smoking is bad.” The soldier handed Raiden the cigarette back and waved him through. Grabbing his pack he headed further inside and yet still felt a bit apprehensive. Was this really going to be this easy? Ahead was a desk with the first soldiers he’d seen not in armor. There were two, and they were wearing what looked like basic olive drab uniforms. One up front was wearing a hat he’d never seen before either. Then again he only ever saw them in helmets or without. It struck him as a little odd the man would wear a hat indoors but who was he to judge? He did notice stripes on his arm, that meant he was in charge right?
Just as Raiden was trying to figure out how to address the soldier he looked up and saw Raiden looking at him. “What can I do for you kid?”
Did everyone have to call him Kid? “I uh… I am here with a coupon. For boots.” He opened his pack to fish around for the paper the barter store owner had given him.
“A coupon for boots? Kid this isn’t a shoe store.” Raiden focused on moving the boxes around trying desperately to find the paper. How was it in a small pack with so few things in it he suddenly couldn’t find the only piece of paper? “Is that a cigarette behind your ear? Kid you shouldn’t smoke, it’s bad for you.”
“Why does everyone keep telling me that?” Raiden blurted out, feeling flustered. “I’m not going to smoke it! I’m just going to barter it! And I don’t have anywhere else to keep it safe. Besides don’t you guys get cigarettes in your rations?” Raiden countered.
“Yeah but if we die before retirement age they don’t have to pay us any pensions.” The soldier replied with a shrug.
“What?” Raiden asked, feeling more confused now.
“Never mind kid it’ll make more sense when you’re older. If you don’t smoke that is. Otherwise you’ll die young and runty. It’s bad for you.” Raiden rolled his eyes a moment but finally fished out the piece of paper to hand over. “Kid I’m telling you this isn’t a shoe store it’s a police station.”
“Guidelines state we’re not supposed to call it a police station. It’s an MP CP.” The other soldier without a hat working behind the desk mentioned.
“Excuse me?” The striped soldier glanced over.
“Official guidelines state we’re supposed to refer to it as a police station since we’re still a military unit. Therefore we’re supposed to refer to it as a military police command post. Command point? Control post? Control point?” The soldier sounded less sure with every iteration. “MP CP.” He returned to the first set of letters.
“Since when the fuck do you read guidelines?” The front soldier asked.
“Since you told me to sarge.” The other replied sounding a bit defensive.
“Yes, because you kept fucking up your paperwork and now you’re lecturing me on calling this place an MP CP?” He shook his head and sighed before finally returning his focus on Raiden. He did take the paper though and as he looked it over a moment he frowned, then he turned to type on his computer. Raiden stood there, unsure of what to do until the sarge finally spoke up. “Huh… Well… it’s actually real. Whadya know. Alright kid I guess you’re off to requisition. Down that hall, down the stairs on your right, and then take a right at the bottom and go straight. It’ll be posted. The other way is the morgue. Don’t go that way.” The sarge handed him back the coupon.
“Thanks.” Raiden nodded, and headed off to follow the directions. The hallway he headed down smelled vaguely of paint, and when he looked it seemed like they must have painted it recently. They’d gone with a sort of… deep purple. Like on their void flag. Probably to distance themselves from the militia they’d replaced. The militia always used gold, or what they claimed was gold color. He always thought it looked more like dry mustard.
Finding the stairs was easy, and once he reached the bottom he saw the sign on the far wall easily. Requisition to his right, morgue to his left. The fresh paint smell was even more heavy down here. Heading towards requisition he carefully opened a door and saw another desk ahead much like the one upstairs. Except behind it was glass overlooking some kind of big… warehouse filled with shelves. The arrangement of the stuff inside reminded him of Clay and his barter shop.
Down here there were two soldiers, a man and woman in the same olive drab uniforms as upstairs, though neither wore a hat and neither was working. Instead they were facing the window and talking. Just as he got closer he could start to overhear the woman first. “So then what did you do?”
“The fuck do you think I did? I pulled up my pants and got the fuck out of there before she noticed what happened.” The man replied which caused the woman to laugh.
“You dirty fuck.” She shook her head slowly.
“What the fuck else could I do?” The man shrugged.
“You say excuse me ma’am in the interest of human Davari relations I feel I should inform you that I’ve made a bit of a mess of your sheets and need some help.” The woman was laughing even as she suggested this.
“Fuck you.” Came his reply.
“So what happened when you went back to the bar?” The woman asked next.
“You think I went back? Fuck no. I’ve been avoiding it ever since! And it sucks cause those drinks were good too. Strong. And cheap. And strong…” The man shook his head slowly and let out a heavy sigh.
“Yeah strong enough to make you-” The woman just began to turn in her chair and saw Raiden standing at the counter. “HOLY SHIT!” She jumped a bit which made the other soldier jump and Raiden flinched, worried he was about to get shot. But neither pulled out a gun or anything and the woman just set a hand over her chest. “Fuck kid! Where the hell did you come from?!”
“How much did you hear?!” Asked the man, seeming more worried about that.
“I uh… something about you pulling up your pants. I don’t know.” Raiden looked between them. “I have a coupon for boots.”
“What? This isn’t a shoe store.” The woman replied but when he handed over the paper she typed the details into her computer and just upstairs something positive happened. “Huh… okay. Well… but it says footwear. Not boots. We just have to give you footwear.” Raiden sighed a little, boots had been a bit much of an ask anyway.
“Do we have anything else for footwear?” The male soldier asked with a confused look.
“Well… no. But… he’s a civvie. Can we give him mil-spec?” The woman asked.
“They’re fucking boots.” The man countered.
“Yeah, mil-spec boots. You remember that fucking lecture on no mil-spec items distributing across the civvies.” The woman shrugged and scratched her head. “Check… check the regs.”
“Why me?” The man asked.
“Because I’m the corporal and I fucking told you to.” She sternly growled back. The man sighed and pulled a worn looking book out of a desk drawer as he started to flip through it.
“What’s going on here?” It was Raiden’s turn to jump as he was surprised to hear a voice behind him. Turning he saw a soldier entering the room wearing armor.
“Staff Sergeant.” The woman stood up. “This civilian brought in a… uh coupon for boots. But the form only specifies footwear. Yet, we only have boots.”
“And… this is a problem… why?” The armored soldier asked as he approached Raiden and looked him over.
“They’re mil-spec. And we just had the meeting about not distributing mil-spec good to-” She was about to continue but the staff sergeant just waved it off.
“This kid helped us out earlier. Told us who that van belongs to that we’ve been trying to figure out for a week.” Raiden realized this must be the sarge from the squad in front of the pawn shop. In the armor and helmets he didn’t recognize them.
“The one by the pawn shop?” The woman asked, confirming his realization.
“Yep. Turns out it belongs to the guy who lives at the home it's parked in front of.” The armored soldier shook his head slowly.
“How did it take us a week to figure that out?” The woman asked.
“Because no one there would talk to us. Kid, why would no one talk to us?” The armored soldier asked him directly then.
“Uhm… because they don’t really trust the occupiers. The militia before they pulled out said a lot of… stuff.” Raiden didn’t feel like getting specific.
“Save these miserable bastards only for them to hate our guts.” The woman muttered with a sigh.
“Still, he helped us out. So, get him some boots.” The armored soldier commanded then.
“Yes, sir.” The woman nodded before looking at Raiden. “What’s your shoe size kid?”
“Uh…” Raiden paused.
“Right… in which units. We’ve got five around here don’t we? Just… give me a shoe.” She held out a hand and Raiden looked down at his feet. He felt a flush of embarrassment rise to his cheeks but he carefully leaned against the desk and raised his ankle over his other knee in a squat so he could delicately pull the rubber and fabric he’d fashioned into footwear off his foot. When he set it on the desk then a look crossed her face. Pity. He looked away, feeling even more humiliated with the position he was in. “Boots… and. Staff Sergeant mind if I get him some socks too?”
“That’s a good idea.” Soon as he approved it the woman headed into the back. Raiden felt a heat grow within him as they talked about it. They all pitied him. They felt bad. He didn’t have proper shoes or socks. He was some… street rat. Some kid to them. Somehow this felt worse to him than if they’d been berating him and insulting him like the militia used to. His hands clenched at the straps of his backpack. “I bet your feet are tougher than mine kid. You’re a real badass, you know that?”
Raiden looked up at the armored soldier in confusion when he said that. “What? I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are.” The armored soldier nodded slowly. “Growing up around here can’t be easy. Between the war and everything else but you’re sticking it out. You didn’t have that pack when you entered the pawn shop. Do you work there?”
“It’s… I’m trying out for it.” Raiden nodded slowly. “Gave me some deliveries to make and the coupon for the boots.” He felt quiet as he spoke. His emotions somewhat jumbled up between the confusion and embarrassment.
“That’s nice of him. What’s your name anyway?” The soldier set a hand on his shoulder then applied just a little bit of pressure as if to help reassure him.
“Raiden.” He answered with a light gulp.
“Well Raiden, I’m sure you’re tougher than half my platoon. They bitch if they don’t get fruit punch in their rations and here you are hoofing it around town with shoes you made yourself. It’s admirable. Isn’t it specialist?” He looked over at the other soldier behind the desk.
“Uh yes. Yes, staff sergeant it is admirable. Very-very admirable.” He nodded. Raiden felt a slightly different flush of embarrassment now. He didn’t know how to process compliments.
“Thanks.” He nearly whispered as he looked at the floor. His one foot clad only in a thread bare dirty sock, his big toe sticking out of a hole in the front.
“Raiden, since you’re here and you helped me out earlier, mind if I ask you something else? You seem pretty streetsmart. Maybe you’ll know.” Raiden looked up at the sarge wondering what the question was. “Little over a week ago a building exploded. Or… the top did. Hear anything about it? Any… word on the street?”
“That tower over in the Ravex occupation zone?” He asked and the sarge nodded. “I mean… nothing really. I had heard it belonged to some… eccentric Kra’Kto’Sui. Lived in the pool up top. Uhm… just… rumours about crime… maybe drugs. People said he paid for info on stuff.” Raiden shrugged.
“Remember kid, uh Raiden, just say no to drugs.” The soldier behind the desk added. Raiden looked at him with a confused frown. “If you’re offered drugs… just say no. Isn’t that right sarge?”
“Yes… Yes specialist that is correct. Say no to drugs. Like all the amphetamines you do. Or the booze.” The specialist blinked at that.
“Wait. How did this become about me? I only do mil-spec amphetamines sarge! Honest! And I only drink off duty! I follow all the stup-uuhhhh official guidelines! I don’t rape people or drive drunk or get into fights or anything! And… I am… well noted for… my… uuhhhhh… consistent drive to improve our relations with local Davari. I was… just speaking to Corporal Colbert about my efforts in fact staff sergeant.” The armored soldier released Raiden’s shoulder just so he could grip the front of his helmet visor and shake his head. “What?”
“Here, see if these fit.” Raiden had been so focused on the sarge and the specialist that he didn’t notice the woman had returned until she was setting out some socks on the desk before him, and a pair of black boots that looked brand new. Raiden nervously reached out to take the socks and boots, almost expecting the soldiers to yank them away in a moment. Yet, they just watched him. Looking around he saw a chair in the corner and walked over to it, so he could sit down and try the boots and socks on.
“Staff sergeant, by the way I didn’t mean to hassle the kid about the boots. It’s just the CO had that memo about mil-spec items-” The woman began to explain but the sage just raised a hand.
“CYA. I understand corporal.” Raiden glanced up as he removed his other shoe and socks. Just pulling the full thick military socks over his feet made him shiver a little. They were so soft… Then he looked at the boots. They were… tall. Very tall. He also didn’t see any laces and was a bit confused.
“Are those jump boots? Why does he get jump boots? We don’t get jump boots.” The specialist complained while Raiden looked the boots over. When he looked up both the woman and the sarge were staring at him. “Uh… I mean… those are very nice boots ki-Raiden. Hope you enjoy them.”
“How do I put them on?” Raiden confessed then. “I don’t see laces.”
“Just pull them on first.” The sarge instructed, so Raiden pulled one onto his right foot first. It felt… cushoiny. Unlike why he expected. “Now feel along the top for a little nub on either side and pinch them at the same time.” Raiden’s fingers carefully squeezed along the top lining of the boot to find the nubs set inside the fabric. Then he pinched them and suddenly the boot seemed to shrink around his foot feeling perfectly snug.
“Whoa…” He muttered as the soldiers chuckled a bit.
“Nice isn’t it? Sometimes they don’t skimp on gear. Sometimes. How does it feel?” Raiden looked down at his foot and hesitantly put weight onto his heel. It was hard to describe exactly. His foot felt wrapped up in a soft cushion and yet… supported at the same time. It was unlike anything he’d experienced.
“Good? I think? I’ve never… had new shoes or… anything like this.” He confessed.
“Put the other on, stand up, and take a few steps. Wiggle your toes. You want enough space so your toes aren’t crushed but not so much your foot slides around.” The sarge informed him. Raiden quickly pulled the other boot on and repeated the process to make the boot snug up. When he rose to his feet he nearly jumped up, it felt like there was such little weight on his feet, yet so much more… Just… better.
After hesitating a moment he took a few steps and then slowly rose up onto the tips of his toes and back down as if trying to get a feel for being a couple centimeters taller thanks to the thick soles. “It feels amazing.”
“Glad to hear it. Did you get more socks corporal Colbert?” The sarge asked.
“Right yeah. I don’t care what you think you should be doing. Put on a new set every day. And please wash them regularly.” The woman handed him four more sets of socks.
“Thanks… I… I don’t know what to say.” Raiden shrugged a little, feeling put on the spot.
“Don’t worry about it Raiden. Just remember, if you hear anything or see anything we need to know come tell us. Crime, planned attacks, terrorists, anything like that at all. You come find me. Or, any of the human patrols here honestly. Doesn’t have to be void.” The sarge mentioned.
“Aren’t you all void?” Raiden asked with a frown. “Didn’t you guys get approval to move into the joint occupation zone? Isn’t that why you’re here?”
“We’re the ones who moved into the MP CPs, uh the police stations here yes. But this zone is patrolled by all members of the joint occupation forces. We’re in blue armor, the American marines are in desert camo and high vis vests, and the slavs are usually in urban camo and have SSR patches. Hard to miss.” Raiden squinted a moment.
“You’re all different? Also… desert camo?” Some of the planet was arid, and there were a few deserts sure. But Neu Vieumau was coastal and not even close to desert.
“Don’t ask me, it’s what they’re wearing. And yes, we’re all different. Plus there’s Ravex, and Kra’Kto’Sui, and of course the Rimjobs. Uuhhhh Rimmers. Shit. Reformed Imperial Military. Don’t call them Rimmers. They don’t like that.” Raiden knew that the joint occupation situation was complicated but he hadn’t realized just how complicated until now. Then again for the last several years his primary concern had been surviving his dad and passing the public education tests.
“Okay. I’ll let you know.” He nodded. “But thanks again.”
“Good luck getting your job.” The sarge added as Raiden nodded and headed out the door. He couldn’t help but move a bit faster down the hall and then once he got to the stairs he rushed up them as if his feet didn’t weigh a thing. He felt a little silly but he knew he had a big grin on his face. Real footwear! It was like a dream.
“Guess we do give out boots.” Raiden looked over at the guy at the front desk and nodded.
“Yes. They were very nice down there.” He added.
“In requisition? If you say so.” The soldier made a face as if it was impossible to believe. Even so Raiden headed out of the police station… MP CP and back into the cluster of soldiers posted out front.
“Hey kid, nice drop boots.” One commented as he walked out. “Off to fuck someone else’s sister in those?”
“Yeah yours.” He was as surprised as the soldier no doubt by his immediate reply but around him the other soldiers all began to laugh. It was a bit of an instinct from dealing with comments by the militia before but now he felt bad.
“Kid… my sister would eat you alive and not in a way you’d enjoy but you’re fucking welcome to it.” The soldier shook his head a moment as the others kept laughing. Raiden just gave a nervous grin and kept walking before anything worse happened.
With that done he pulled out the paper that listed all the packages and their addresses. There was one just a few streets up. That old house that had been abandoned he thought. Maybe someone had moved in? Either way he began heading that direction and caught himself bouncing on the heels of his feet a little with his steps. His feet felt so good! The boots were amazing! Nothing could ruin his day now!
“[A reckoning has come across the bilge rat!]” Raiden just barely had time to process Neff stepping out of the basement steps to his side, swinging a board at Raiden. Moving purely on reflex, Raiden jumped to the side, feeling the edge of the board tug at the sleeve of his shirt a moment. Lenk was across the street having been waiting in case Raiden had turned the other way.
The soldiers were just around the corner, but Neff was between him and them, not to mention Lenk would be rushing over. So Raiden turned and began sprinting up the street. Neff’s full force swing with the board had shifted his momentum so Raiden had a second of lead to use. If he’d been in his old rags… He’d left them with the soldiers! He’d completely forgotten to pick them up! They were probably thinking he was a rude- “[Wrath knows no distance! Run and die tired coward!]”
Right focus on running. Neff and Lenk were both older than him and taller. Raiden could outrun them with a swift burst of speed but every time he focused on just running straight they’d catch up to him eventually. He could already hear their footsteps racing behind him though he didn’t dare spare a glance. Instead he broke hard left down the alley behind the Tviraki restaurant. There were always plenty of leftover crates down there.
Sprinting past some empty boxes he grabbed the edges and yanked to tumble them in Neff’s path while he looked at the big fence up ahead. Normally he’d never make it but in these boots… He could jump up the trash can onto the dumpster and then roll over the top of the fence and drop down onto the dumpster on the other side. He could do it. He had to do it. “[Nowhere to go you cancerous runt!]” He really had to do it.
Raiden jumped up onto the trash can, and felt it start to tilt with his weight as he stepped off it to charge across the thankfully closed dumpster before leaping as high as he could muster. Rather than roll over the top of the fence however he was shocked to find he cleared the top of the fence easily. Though his added height meant he was coming down on the far edge of the dumpster, not the middle… And it was open, not closed.
His eyes went wide with horror as he seemed to be coming straight down into a pile of rotten food scraps and whatever else the restaurant had thrown out. The stench wafted up into his nostrils even as he descended. Desperately he waved his arms, spinning them in the air as if to fly, or just get that tiny bit of extra momentum. Thankfully this seemed to work as his feed landed on the edge of the dumpster. He wanted to shout in victory, yet the shock of his landing transferred up to his knees which buckled a bit and had to quickly lean forward, sloppily rolling forward as he tumbled down into a cluster of trash cans.
Having his fall broken by metal trash cans was hardly ideal as he rolled off them to the ground, his shoulder and ankle immediately groaning in pain. Yet, he had made it over and he looked back at Neff on the other side of the fence obviously surprised. “Hah! [Scum sucking parasite!]” Raiden did his best to hide his pain as he raised his middle finger at the bully chasing after him.
Yet Neff was not easily deterred. He jumped up onto the dumpster and got ready to hop over the top of the fence after Raiden. “Oh shit…” He turned and quickly ran off down the alley before Neff could drop down. His ankle groaned a bit harder but he pushed through and kept running. The house was just up ahead. What good was that going to do him?! They were just going to beat his ass on the doorstep! But he had no other way to try and get away. So he just kept running.
On the far side of the alleyway he looked to his right and sprinted as best he could to the structure. It had a brick wall around it to isolate it from the neighbors. The three story structure looked ominous, with blacked out windows and a bone white paint along the old wooden structure. Wrought iron spikes lining the wall, and the gate leading in was bent into the shape of the Paragon of Wrath Bioujar Dooritay. One didn’t usually want to mess with the disciples of Dooritay.
But Raiden didn’t have a choice as he frantically opened the gate and rushed inside then up the steps to the door. His finger hammered on the doorbell as he heard it beeping and buzzing from the other side while he looked back in fear as Neff, then Lenk rushed up to the gate. Raiden turned, pressing his back to the door as he watched. Why had he come here? He was so screwed… Lenk took a step forward but Neff grabbed his shoulder.
“[No. That crazy lady lives here.]” The two thugs glanced at one another for a moment, then back at Raiden, considering their options. “[You have to get lucky every time Raiden! We only have to get lucky once!]” Neff threatened before they backed up. Raiden felt the door behind his back start to open and he quickly leaned forward so he didn’t fall backwards when the door was opened.
Turning around just as it opened he was faced with a dark figure silhouetted against the light from inside, his eyes taking a moment to adjust. First he noticed the horns, which meant a Davari. They were rather wide too, no doubt bulky with muscles. Then his eyes went to some kind of claw weapon in their right hand. He was so screwed. But then the figure stepped forward into view. “Oh deary me are you alright? I saw those young ruffians chasing you.”
Raiden was face to face with an old Davari woman. The hair around her temples was grey, and her horns had begun to bleach white with age. She was wearing an oversized shirt with sunflowers on it, an old set of sweatpants, and some big rubber galoshes on her feet. The claw thing she was holding in one hand was matched by a small digging trowel in the other. Also, had she spoken to him in English? Had he imagined that? “Uh… thank you. Uhm…” His eyes did return to the claw she held.
Noticing his stare she looked down and then held it up. “Oh! My claw? It’s just for gardening work. I’m sorry if I gave you a fright, you caught me just before I was going to tend to my garden. I only moved in recently so I need to get the bulbs in and get them growing! Bring some life to this little place.” Her big bright smile was comforting. “Now, did you just try to seek shelter here young man?”
“Oh uhm… no. I uh… Package.” Raiden’s breath was a bit ragged as his body seemed to catch up with what was happening. Slipping the pack off his shoulders he opened it up and rummaged around to pull out the box for her.
“Oh! You’re from that pawn shop? Wonderful. It’s my heart medication. The ticker just can’t handle the church orgies like it used to.” She let out a deep laugh that filled the air even as Raiden blushed at her comment.
“Could I… get water?” He asked next.
“Oh yes, you must be tired from running! Yes yes, come on in.” She waved him in then, setting the claw and little trowel down on a table near the door. Looking around the room he noticed a lot of paintings that were splashes of colors that didn’t seem to form anything but still had a… happy vibe to them? He also noticed lots of pictures of flowers and plants and the old lady standing in front of various buildings or landmarks. He noticed a lot from Partizania Rai, the tropical resort world.
There were also lots of pictures and paintings of cartoonish, happy animals. Cats, dogs, Vukos, Quibs, Lormites, even some kind of bushy tailed orange thing he’d never seen. She led him into a kitchen that was as big as the apartment he lived in and waved for him to sit at a giant wooden table. “Would you like some water sweetie?” She asked and he nodded as she grabbed a glass covered in dancing bunnies and filled it from a spout in her fridge. He blinked as he looked at her giant fridge. It actually had an ice and water dispenser on the front! He’d seen it in vids but never in person.
“Now, you just sit a moment and catch your breath sweetie. I’m just going to make sure it’s the right medication. Is that okay?” As she asked that Raiden nodded and grabbed the glass, gulping at the water as he suddenly found himself far more thirsty than he realized. The old Davari lady just smiled and took the box as she shuffled off into another room.
Agnivra frowned as she looked at the box in her hand. Everything looked to be in order except a small hand written note just under the label. “Exceptional Service Guaranteed! No good neighbor is beyond our reach! Check out our web hotline service immediately for a special vibrant offer! These offers aren’t dreams! Awaken to the truth, of our low low deals!” To any normal person it would just be a slightly odd ad for the business. But to particular people it held a very different meaning. Pulling out a slate she returned to the Pawn Shop’s website. Scanning the page she then clicked on a very small icon that nearly looked like just part of the background.
A customer review template popped up asking her to fill in a username. Ignoring the usual suggestions she quickly typed in a set of keywords and then hit the button to talk to a rep. There was a delay and then a message popped up. “Reliqua non est aeternum.”
“Ooohh…” She bit her lower lip a moment as she scratched her head. “Nemo nostrum est quam ira.” She typed in and sent. Then immediately followed up. “Quam irae nemo nostrum.” Was that it? “Listen, no one is beyond our wrath. I can’t remember all the phrases exactly. Sierra Triumvirate Helios Roulette 34275. Sleeper activated.”
She was worried what would happen for a moment but then let out a sigh of relief when the next message popped up. “I doubt my Latin is any better. Welcome back to the fold agent. You’ve been gone quite a while. You’re not due to retire yet. I’ll overlook any lapses in service provided you understand that work is to be done immediately.”
Agnivra looked back at the door, knowing the young man was still in her kitchen. “Am I to kill the messenger?”
“No.” She let out another sigh of relief. She hated killing the young. It was bad form. “Observe his performance. If anyone is hindering him determine if they’re hostile agents or just local noise.”
“Two locals were spotted chasing him to this residence.” She returned.
“Then research them. If they’re working for anyone else, deal with them.” Came the reply.
“Specific termination, or dealer’s choice?” She sent back.
“Dealer’s choice.” She thought about that a moment.
“Good, my garden is in need of fertilizer. Additional objectives at this time? Handler ID?” Who was it who had called her back after all this time? How had they found her?
“No further details. Agent Autumn, I hope you remember how to kill. Handler out.” The message board vanished.
“Hhhmmm…” Angivra rubbed her chin. They were being coy. “Young man. Would you like something to eat? I bet you’re hungry!” She tucked the slate away and shuffled back towards the kitchen with a big smile. She’d see what the boy knew. If she was being awakened then she wanted to know if she was killing for a cause, or a criminal. Either way she had a feeling her garden would thrive in this city.
Chapter 4

First, let me start by saying I am a dumb ape and you shouldn't listen to my financial advice.
Here's my take on what is going to happen next week, in my humble ape opinion.
This week, we got our asses kicked. The week before, things were pretty awesome until RH restricted trades. It is my opinion that this happened to buy time for the hedges. They needed Saturday and Sunday badly. Thursday and Friday's trade restrictions were like the QB taking a knee to kill the clock before the next half starts.
With that time bought, with the stock price manipulated with ladder shorts, Hedges had Saturday January 29th, and Sunday the 30th to figure out a solution. Restricting trading was good, and allowed for the ladder short to bring down the price. However, the stock was massively shorted, 140% by some accounts. Melvin had stepped in it big time, and now him, and his minions had to stay up all night or EVERYONE would be out of a job. The secretary answering the phones, the son in law who got the job cause his wife's daddy is important, the cleaning lady... Everyone would be out of a job. So they got to work.
Short squeeze was inevitable. How do you as a hedge get out of that hole - reasonably legally - without dying?
I think what they did was said, "Look, we have 200 million in shorts. We're going to drive the price down as low as we can. Ladder short it to death. Now, we could wait until it is low enough to pay down and that is that... Or you know what you guys... We can get Darryl his Super Yacht. We can't stop the squeeze, but we can get in on it and go to the moon too!"
So (IMHO) they created a new financial product. Sort of like when you play roulette and bet on black. Instead of losing you say "Wait, I retroactively bet on Red, and cause I know red won, I'll go in on it big!"
I read about synthetic longs. That's what got my gears going. The problem right now is that they have to pay up for those shorts. Late January we saw how they had to sell off other assets to pay for GameStop. This week we got our asses kicked.
Imagine a new product that operates like so: A long call option that says "I will buy this stock if it goes higher at a current cheaper market price" and using that long call option to cover the short put.
It's like a bookie saying, "Okay, you shorted Gamestop, pay up" and you're like "But it's me! Melvin! You don't want my second family to go hungry, do you? I'll pay for the short... But I will use a long option call contract as collateral... The Short Squeeze is coming! We'll all be rich!"
Now, in theory, if such a product existed, wouldn't it drive up the price? It should. The problem: IT HAS NOT BEEN BOUGHT YET.
So what does this dumb ape think is going on?
A short squeeze is still coming I think. The price is being manipulated and brought down. When it is low enough, the hedges will go in, spike that price as high as possible, and any losses related to the shorts, will be offset by the gains of the long call options. In a way, they'll be forced by the short contracts to buy shares from themselves which they get by selling their long options and making a huge profit.
If we actually go to the moon next week, I think it will be because some way... Some how... The Hedges created a new product that allows them to play this strange roulette game where they retroactively bet on red after having lost their bet on black. Then, knowing what the result would be, go BIG.
They spent two days coming up with some sort of solution in the Hamptons. It has to be somewhat legal, and ultimately screw us all while preserving their wealth, status, and place in the world. The only thing worse than losing money, is losing it to us! Retards, Apes, and Autists. The Dumb Money controlling all the money.
I think they changed the rules, froze their shorts in a limbo that allows them to use longs to offset losses. "You need to convert those shorts into shares bought at market price... What's that... You want to turn it into a new product? Okay!"
Imagine buying a product where you short a stock, lose, and then say "You know what, let me buy a long option call, and if it is higher than the short, I win. If it is lower than the short, then the short stands and I win again!"
Heads I win, Tails you lose
I think the hedges did this. I think if you have stocks... Hold on to them, and wait until the stock gets very low. If I am right, then we can expect the hedges to execute, and send the price to the moon!
I think this story is not over yet.
​
What would you do if you were a hedge fund struggling to survive when faced with certain demise? Would you not try to circumvent disaster and turn it into glory?

As a basketball fan, it's always fun to speculate on the NBA Draft prospects. That said, I'd stress the speculate part of that statement. As an outsider with no real access to these players, it's hard to be arrogant and steadfast in our opinions. We're working with about 10% as much information as actual NBA teams. If you feel confident in your analysis based on some highlight tapes of James Wiseman dunking on South Carolina State or LaMelo Ball jacking up shots in the Australian League, god bless you. And if you want to read my amateur analysis, god bless you too. But before you do, remember to check your sodium levels and take these picks with a grain of salt.

BEST PROSPECTS in the 2019-20 NBA DRAFT

(1) SG Anthony Edwards, Georgia
Based on pure stats, Anthony Edwards would be one of the least impressive # 1 picks of all time. We're talking about a player who just averaged 19-5-3 on bad shooting splits (40-29-77) on a bad Georgia team. In fact, the Bulldogs didn't even crack .500 (finishing 16-16). All things considered, this isn't the resume of a top overall pick. It's like a kid with a 2.9 GPA applying to Harvard Law.
Still, the "eye test" helps Edwards' case in the same way it helped proud Harvard alum Elle Woods. Edwards has a powerful frame (strong and long with a 6'9" wingspan) and a scorer's mentality. He's going to be a handful for NBA wings to contend with, especially when he's going downhill. And while he hasn't shown to be a knockdown shooter, his form looks better than the results suggest. I'd project that he can become an average (35-36%) three-point shooter in time.
It may be unfair to label Edwards with the "best case scenario" comparison -- Dwyane Wade, for example -- but it may be just as unfair to liken him to "worst case scenario" comps like Dion Waiters as well. One of the reasons that Waiters is such an inefficient scorer in the NBA is that he's allergic to the free-throw line; he averages 3.1 FTA per 36 minutes. Edwards didn't live at the FT line, but he did get there 5.3 times per game. With more encouragement from an analytical front office or coaching staff, Edwards has the potential to get to the line 7-8 times a game and raise his ceiling in terms of efficiency.
The key for Edwards' career is going to be his work ethic and basketball character. As a prospect, he reminds me of Donovan Mitchell; in fact, he's ahead of where Mitchell was at the same age. That said, Mitchell is a natural leader who made a concerted effort to improve his body and his overall game. If Edwards can do the same, he has true All-Star potential. If he walks into the building thinking he's already a superstar, then he may never become one.
best fits
Anthony Edwards has some bust potential, but he also has true star potential. Given that, it'd be great to see him go to a team that's willing to feature him. Chances are he won't last this long, but he'd be a great fit for Charlotte (#3). The Hornets desperately need a signature star, and Edwards has the chance to be a 20 PPG scorer within a year or two.
worst fits
If Edwards falls in the draft, he may end up clashing with the talent on the teams in the 4-5 range. Chicago (#4) already has a scoring guard in Zach LaVine. Meanwhile, Cleveland (#5) has already doubled up on scoring guards with Collin Sexton and Darius Garland. Adding a third would be a potential headache, both offensively and defensively.
(2) C James Wiseman, Memphis
A true center? Gross! What is this, 1970?
Traditional big men tend to get treated that way these days. In some ways, they've become the "running backs" of the NBA. They once ruled the draft, but now they have to scrape and claw to climb into the top 5.
Still, let's no go overboard here. Even if centers aren't as valuable as they used to be, there's still some value here. Some of the best centers in the game (Nikola Jokic, Rudy Gobert, Joel Embiid, etc) have helped make their teams staples in the playoffs. Wiseman can potentially impact a team in the same way, especially on the defensive end. He can get beat on switches now and then, but he's about as agile as you can expect out of a kid who's 7'1" with a 7'6" wingspan. Offensively, he has an improving face-up game in addition to being a devastating lob threat.
Another reason that I'm comfortable with Wiseman in the top 3 is because he appears to be a smart kid with the will to improve his game. He intends to keep stretching out his range towards three point territory. Even if he can be a passable three-point shooter (in the 33% range), that should help make him a consistent 18-12 player and a fringe All-Star. And if not, then he'll still be a viable starting center.
best fits
We mentioned Charlotte (#3) as a great fit for Anthony Edwards, and I'd say the same for Wiseman here. His game complements the more dynamic P.J. Washington well; between the two of them, they'd have the 4-5 spot locked up for years. While Wiseman's best chance to be a star may come in Charlotte, we don't know if he truly has that type of aggressive upside. The more likely scenario is him being a pretty good starting center with an emphasis on defense. In that case, he makes some sense in Golden State (#2) and Atlanta (#6).
worst fits
Apparently James Wiseman doesn't want to go to Minnesota (#1), which makes sense given the presence of Karl-Anthony Towns. If he slips, Chicago (#4) may also be an odd fit. Wiseman is a better prospect than Wendell Carter Jr., but they're not terribly dissimilar. The new Bulls administration didn't select Carter, but it still feels too early to give up on a recent # 7 pick.
(3) PF/C Onyeka Okongwu, USC (HIGHER than most expert rankings)
Another big man? I may be showing my age here.
Still, I'm going to stick to my guns and suggest Onyeka Okongwu is a top 3 prospect in the class for some of the same reasons we ranked James Wiseman so highly. In fact, Okongwu is arguably an even better defensive prospect than Wiseman. While he doesn't have the same size (6'9" with a 7'1" wingspan), he's more switchable. He projects as a prowling, shot-blocking panther, not dissimilar to Bam Adebayo on Miami. Offensively, he flashes some solid skill here and there, although it's unlikely he'd get to Adebayo's level as a playmaker.
Another aspect that should help Okongwu is his selflessness. In high school, he played for Chino Hills alongside stars Lonzo and LaMelo Ball. While there, he blended in and did the dirty work for the LaVar Traveling Circus. It's likely that Okongwu will play a similar role in the NBA, complementing a star perimeter player.
While Okongwu may not have All-Star upside, I don't see much downside here. I'd be surprised if he's not a long-time starter at the center position (with the potential to play some PF if his shooting range improves.)
best fits
The most natural fits for Onyeka Okongwu mirror the best fits for James Wiseman. There’s a chance he may slip further than Wiseman too. Washington (#9) should be salivating if that’s the case.
worst fits
As a low-usage player, there aren't a lot of terrible fits for Okongwu on the board. However, Detroit (#7) already has Blake Griffin on a long-term deal and may re-sign Christian Wood as well. Given that, there wouldn't be much room for Okongwu barring a Griffin trade.
(4) PG LaMelo Ball, U.S./Australia. (LOWER than most expect rankings)
Every draft pick is an inherent gamble, but there's a difference between gambling in blackjack and gambling in Roulette. To me, LaMelo Ball is more of the latter.
No doubt, there's a chance that you may get lucky and "win big" with LaMelo Ball. He has great height for the position at 6'6"/6'7", and he makes some exceptional passes that illustrate a rare court vision. ESPN's Draft Express team ranks him as the # 1 prospect overall, and I take that seriously. Those guys were way ahead of the curve on calling Luka Doncic a transcendent talent at a time when most others were still skeptical.
At the same time, I'd say there is a sizable downside here as well. In fact, I'd estimate that there's a greater than 50/50 chance that Ball is a "bust" based on his current draft status.
LaMelo Ball put up good raw numbers this past season in the NBL -- 17.0 points, 7.6 rebounds, 6.8 assists -- but he was in a situation specifically designed for him to put up good numbers. The efficiency tells a different story, as his shooting splits (38-25-72) look worrisome. Yes, height helps on defense, but it doesn't matter much if you're not locked in on that end. And yes, highlight-reel passes and super-deep threes are fun to watch, but they're not a path to consistency on offense. As Ball makes the jump to the NBA, he may smack hard into a wall and crash into the water like was on Wipeout. There's a chance he'll be among the worst players (from an advanced stats perspective) as a rookie.
So what? We expect most rookies to struggle, right? That's true, but I'd be nervous about how LaMelo Ball and his camp would respond to those initial struggles. Again, I've never met the kid and have no real basis for this, but media interviews make him seem a little immature. That's totally understandable for a 19 year old, but it's not ideal for a 19 year old who's about to get handed the keys to an NBA franchise. If he struggles out of the gates, will he start to lose confidence? Will LaVar Ball start to make waves? Will the media gleefully tear him to shreds? No clue. And if I'm picking in the top 3, I'd prefer to have more confidence than question marks.
best fits
If we treat LaMelo Ball as a developmental project, then I'd prefer he land with a team like Chicago (#4). New coach Billy Donovan is a former PG himself, and spent decades working with young kids at the college level. If they slow play Ball's development, we may see the best of him down the road. Detroit (#7) also makes sense. Coach Dwane Casey has a pretty good reputation in player development himself, and he has a solid bridge PG in Derrick Rose to help buy Ball some time.
worst fits
Cleveland (#5) is an obviously wonky fit based on the current roster. I'd also assert that Charlotte (#3) is a poor fit as well. While the team desperately needs a signature star, they don't have the type of supporting cast that would be conducive to him right now. And if he struggles as a rookie, then coach James Borrego and the whole front office may be cleaned out. If that happens, a new administration would be inheriting a franchise player that they didn't pick in the first place.
(5) SF/PF Deni Avdija, Israel
The NBA tends to be reactionary when it comes to the draft, which can be particularly impactful for international prospects. Their stock tends to swing up and down more violently than a ride at Action Park. There was a ton of skepticism about Euros when Dirk Nowitzki came along. When he hit, the NBA got so excited they drafted Darko Milicic at # 2. Eventually that excitement wore off as the busts started to pile up again. But when Latvian Kristaps Porzingis looked like the real deal, it helped reverse that narrative and helped Dragan Bender go # 4 the following year.
In terms of that up-and-down timing, Deni Avdija stands to benefit. He's coming into the NBA on the heels of an incredible sophomore campaign from Luka Doncic. No one thinks that Avdija can be a superstar like Doncic, but teams aren't as wary of international wings (specifically white wings) these days. Avdija should go somewhere in the top 10 if not the top 5.
In my mind, that's justified. He's 6'9", which should allow him to play either the SF or PF positions. He hasn't shown to be an excellent shooter yet, but he should eventually be solid there. He's better suited as a playmaker and passer, and he can also use his size and skill to convert on slashes around the rim. I've seen some comparisons to Lamar Odom before, although that may be optimistic. More likely, he'll be a 4th or 5th starter. His experience as a pro should help toward that end, as he's used to working hard and fitting in on a team of vets.
best fits
If you project Deni Avdija to just "fit in" and be a solid starter, then he'd make sense on a team like Golden State (#2). He could effectively play the role of Harrison Barnes or old Andre Iguodala for them. If the intention is to make him more of a featured player, then the Knicks (#8) would be interesting. In that market, he has real star potential.
worst fits
I don't love the fit for Avdija in Charlotte (#3), where he may duplicate some of P.J. Washington's talents. Atlanta (#6) and Phoenix (#10) have also invested in young SF-PFs recently, so Avdija may find himself scraping for time there.
(6) SG/SF Devin Vassell, Florida State (HIGHER than most expert rankings)
Every single NBA team needs 3+D wings. They thirst for them like a dying man in the desert. And then, when a legitimate 3+D wing comes along, they often ignore them in favor of splashier players at other positions.
Part of the issue is that low-usage 3+D wings aren't going to put up monster stats. That's certainly true of Devin Vassell, who averaged a modest 12.7 points this past year. Still, you have to go deeper than the pure numbers alone and consider the context. Florida State had a stacked and balanced team. In fact, Vassell's 12.7 PPG was the highest on the roster (and came in only 28.8 minutes.) There's more in the tank here than we've seen so far. He can hit the three (42% and 42% from deep in his two years), and he shows a good feel for the game (2:1 assist/turnover ratio.)
Vassell shows even more potential on the defensive end. He's currently listed at 6'7" with a 6'10" wingspan, but he looks even longer than that to my eye. He's tenacious and disruptive (1.4 steals, 1.0 blocks) without being out of control. Presumably, he should be a good defender at either the SG or SF spot.
In a sense, Vassell's the prototype for a 3+D wing. To be fair, I don't anticipate him being a great shooter at the next level. His FT% was iffy, and he's apparently been tweaking his shot during the draft process. Still, if he can be a viable shooting threat in the way that Josh Richardson is (an inconsistent shooter who averages around 36%), then he should be a solid starter for an NBA team. That may not sound like something worthy of a top 5 pick, but the high "floor" helps him in this case. He also appears to have a strong character and work ethic, making him feel like an even safer bet.
best fits
Devin Vassell's skill set would fit on virtually any NBA roster -- but his perceived lack of upside may keep him from going as high as my personal ranking. If he does, then Cleveland (#5) would be a nice fit given their lack of big wings and their lack of defense. Defensive-challenged Washington (#9) would also make sense; Vassell tends to be listed as a SG but he should have enough size to play the SF for them.
worst fits
You can never have too many 3+D wings, but it may be a duplication to put Devin Vassell on the same team with Mikal Bridges in Phoenix (#10).
(7) PG Tyrese Haliburton, Iowa State
One of the reasons I'd have to be specific about a fit with a player like LaMelo Ball is that he needs the ball in his hands to maximize his potential. That's true for most lead guards.
Given that, it's a nice change of pace to see a prospect like Tyrese Haliburton come along. He's listed as a PG and he can perform those duties. This past season, he averaged 15.2 points and 6.5 assists per game. But he ALSO can operate as an off-the-ball player. As a freshman, he did exactly that, effectively working as a wing player and a glue guy on offense. His three-point shot looks wonky, but he converted 43% as a freshman and 42% as a sophomore. If that translates, he can be an effective spacer as well.
Haliburton's versatility also extends to the defensive end. He's 6'5" with an incredible 7'0" wingspan, allowing him to guard either PG or SGs. Like Devin Vassell, he also puts those tools to good use. Either one is an incredible athlete, but they're disruptive and locked in on that end. I'd expect Haliburton to be one of the better guard defenders in the NBA.
All in all, you may ask: why isn't this guy ranked HIGHER? The skill set would justify that. At the end of the day I don't see elite upside here (maybe George Hill?) because he may have some trouble getting his shot off in a halfcourt offense. Still, he's one of the safer prospects overall and a kid that you'd feel good betting on.
best fits
The New York Knicks (#8) may bring in a big-name guard like Chris Paul and Russell Westbrook, but if they stick with the rebuild then Tyrese Haliburton makes loads of sense. He can share playmaking duties with R.J. Barrett, and he can help Tom Thibodeau establish a defensive culture. He'd also make sense for Detroit (#7) and even Atlanta (#6). While the Hawks have Trae Young locked in at PG, Haliburton can play enough SG to justify 30+ overall minutes.
worst fits
Obviously any team that doesn't have room for a PG OR SG would be a problem here. Cleveland (#5) and Washington (#9) are the clearest examples of that. While Haliburton could theoretically guard some SFs, it's not the best use of his talent.
(8) PG Killian Hayes, France
If NBA centers are like NFL running backs, then point guards / lead playmakers may be like quarterbacks. There's positive and negatives to that comparison. Obviously, a good lead guard can immediately boost your team. At the same time, you don't really need more than one. And if you're not "the guy," then your impact is going to be limited.
Given that, there's a high bar to being a starting PG in the NBA. You have to be really, really friggin' good. According to many experts, Killian Hayes is exactly that. Physically he's what you want in the position, with a 6'5" frame. He averaged 16.8 points and 7.8 assists per 36 playing in Germany this year for a team that had a few former pros like Zoran Dragic. The Ringer has him # 1 overall.
Personally, I haven't completely bought into that hype yet. I can't claim to have season tickets to Ratiopharm Ulm, but when I watch highlights I don't really see ELITE traits here. He's not incredibly explosive, he's not a great shooter, he's over-reliant on his left hand. I have no doubt that he has the upside to be a good starter, but I don't think we've seen enough (or at least, I haven't) to make me confident in that projection.
best fits
Chicago (#4) and Detroit (#7) appear to be the most obvious fits for a potential star guard like Killian Hayes. And while the Knicks may have been underwhelmed by a French PG before, he would make sense for them at #8 as well.
worst fits
Teams with lead guards locked in -- Golden State (#2), Cleveland (#5), for example -- would be obviously problematic fits for Hayes. While he has the size to play some shooting guard defensively, he has a ways to go before he's a sharpshooting spacer.
(9) SG/SF Aaron Nesmith, Vanderbilt (HIGHER than most expert rankings)
Back when I was single, I dated a girl who presumably viewed me as a "developmental prospect." She'd always tell me how cool I'd look if I got some new jeans. How hot I'd be if I lost some weight. After a while, reality set in. It ain't happening, honey. What you see is what you get. The whole transformation idea may have worked with Chris Pratt, but it's not going to work with schlubby ol' Zandrick Ellison.
Sometimes it feels like NBA teams view prospects in the same delusional way. Josh Jackson can be a superstar -- if he develops his shot! Isaac Okoro can be a great pick -- if he becomes a great shooter! IF IF IF. We tend to forget that it's not that easy for a leopard to change his spots or for a player to suddenly develop a shooting stroke. It may have worked with Kawhi Leonard, but it's not working with most players.
Given that, we should value players who already have developed that skill. Aaron Nesmith is one of the best shooters in the draft -- right here, right now. He shot 52% from three and 83% from the line this past season. There's a sample size issue there (he only played 14 games prior to injury), but his shooting form looks fluid and suggests that he should be a legitimate 38-40% shooter from deep. While Nesmith isn't a great athlete or defender, his 7'0" wingspan should help him hang at either the SG or SF spots. All in all, we're talking about a player who should be a starter, or at the very least a high-level rotational player.
best fits
Aaron Nesmith isn't going to put a team on his back, but he can help carry the load offensively given his shooting ability. That should make him a good fit for a team like New Orleans (#13) as they look to replace J.J. Redick down the road. He'd also be an excellent fit with Orlando (#16) as they eye more shooters/scorers.
worst fits
It's hard to find a bad fit for a good shooting wing, but there are a few teams that may not have starting positions available. Phoenix (#10) already has Devin Booker and a few solid young SFs. Sacramento (#12) already has Buddy Hield and Bogdan Bogdanovic (presuming they retain them.)
(10) PG/SG R.J. Hampton, U.S/N.Z. (HIGHER than most expert rankings)
After that rant about delusions of grandeur with development prospects, let me try and talk you into a raw developmental prospect.
Like LaMelo Ball, R.J. Hampton went to play in the NBL during his gap year after high school. They were both top 10 prospects going in, but their stocks diverged from there. LaMelo Ball put up big numbers and locked himself into top 3 status. Hampton didn't showcase much (8.8 points per game on 41-30-68 shooting splits) and may drop out of the lottery altogether. But again, I'd caution us to consider context here. LaMelo Ball went to a bad team where he could jack up shots. Hampton played on a contending team that didn't spoon-feed him minutes.
Given that limited sample, I'm falling back on the "eye test" here. No doubt, Hampton's shot is a problem. He's a poor shooter now, and it may be 2-3 years before he straightens it out. At the same time, his size and explosion jumps out at you, particularly when he's attacking the basket. He also appears to be a mature and charismatic young man. That combo -- physical talent + basketball character -- tends to be a winning formula. There's some chance Hampton turns out to be a genuine star as a scoring lead guard. There's also a sizable chance he busts. Still, it's the type of gamble that teams in the late lottery should be considering.
best fits
In a PG-rich class, it'd be bold for Detroit (#8) to reach on R.J. Hampton. Still, he would fit there, as the team could groom him behind Derrick Rose for another year or two until he's ready to take over for major minutes. Any team that can afford him the luxury of patience would be a nice landing spot, even if it means going later in the draft to places like Boston (#14, #26) or Utah (#23.)
worst fits
I'd be less bullish on R.J. Hampton in situations where he may have to play early and take his lumps. The N.Y. Knicks (#8) have struggled to develop point guards Frank Ntilkina and Dennis Smith already, and a new coaching staff doesn't make those concerns go away. Hampton would also have lower upside on teams that already have scoring guards locked in, like Sacramento (#12) or Portland (#16).
(11) PF Obi Toppin, Dayton (LOWER than most expert rankings)
When Obi Toppin sees the list of names ahead of him, he should be stewing with rage. He's arguably the most productive player on the entire board. This past season at Dayton, he averaged 20.0 points on 63% shooting from the field. He's a good athlete and dunker, and he even hit 39% of his threes. At 6'9", he's a natural PF but he could theoretically play some SF or C too if need be. What else does a guy need to do to go in the top 5??
But while Toppin checks all the boxes on paper, I'm a little more skeptical. In fact, he reminds me a lot of Arizona PF Derrick Williams, who went # 2 in the 2011 draft. Many pundits thought Williams was the best player in the class, fresh on the heels of an awesome sophomore season that saw him average 19.5 points per game on 60% shooting and 57% (!) from three. The trouble is: Williams benefited from a small sample size from 3 that year (74 total). And while he was athletic in the dunking sense, he didn't have the hip movement to guard 3s or 4s effectively.
We see some of the same traits play out here with Toppin. He dominated this past season as a (22 year old) sophomore. Still, I'm doubtful that his three-point shooting is as good as the numbers suggest. I'm doubtful that his run-and-dunk athleticism translates to the defensive end, where he often looks stiff when changing direction. I can see a scenario where Toppin is a scoring big in the mold of a John Collins, but it's more likely to me that he'll be a scorer off the bench instead.
best fits
While I'm cool on Obi Toppin myself, I fully admit that I could be wrong and he may just end up being Rookie of the Year. That may happen if he plays on a team like Washington (#9) where his guards will be able to take a lot of pressure off and give him good opportunities to score. Cleveland (#5) would also make some sense if they trade Kevin Love.
worst fits
If Toppin's defense is going to be bad, then he'd be a poor fit with Atlanta (#6). I also don't see much of a fit with Sacramento (#12) given the presence of Marvin Bagley III. In the long run, both may end up being smallball 5s.
(12) SF Isaac Okoro, Auburn (LOWER than most expert rankings)
We've all had this experience before. You'll go see a movie that you hear everyone rave about and you come away... underwhelmed. It's fine. It's OK. But you just don't get all the fuss about it.
Right out of that Silver Linings Playbook comes Isaac Okoro. His stats don't jump off the page: 12.9 points, 4.4 rebounds, 0.9 steals, 0.9 blocks. He's allegedly a great defensive player, but his dimensions (6'6" with a 6'8" wingspan) don't suggest "stopper." Worse yet, he's a poor shooter from distance (29% from three, 67% from the line.) The last time I got this sense of "meh-ness" was Jarrett Culver last year. I didn't understand how he went in the top 5, and I'm not going to understand how Okoro goes in the top 10 this year.
To be clear, I don't think Okoro (or Culver) is a BAD prospect, just that they're both overrated by the community. Okoro is definitely a strong kid who is active around the rim. He's a live body. He could theoretically improve his shooting and become a starter. Still, "potential starter" is not something that I want in a top 10 pick.
best fits
While I don't love Isaac Okoro myself, I can see some good fits on the board. Washington (#9) could use some thicker wings who can play solid defense. Portland (#16) is incredibly desperate for capable wings themselves.
worst fits
With Okoro, I don't necessarily think the worst fits are a matter of skill set as much as expectation. If he goes as high as Chicago (#4) or Cleveland (#5), I suspect he'll disappoint in terms of the returns and garner some resentment from the fan base.
(13) SG/SF Josh Green, Arizona
As oddly overrated as Isaac Okoro is (in my mind), Josh Green is oddly underrated. Okoro tends to go about 10 spots higher in mock drafts, but they seem nearly identical in terms of a head-to-head comparison. In fact, I had to go back and forth about which I'd rank higher. They're both good athletes for their position and should be backend starters at the next level. Okoro is thicker and better around the rim, while Green is further along as a shooter. Overall I leaned to Okoro because he had the size to match up with bigger SFs and has a little more of a bullying scorer gene in him, but it was a close race.
In fact, you can argue that Josh Green's selflessness will actually benefit him in the NBA. He's a "team guy," with an underrated passing ability and basketball IQ. The stats don't jump off the pages in that regard (2.6 assists, 1.6 turnovers), but he was also playing with a good college PG in Nico Mannion. As he moves to the NBA, he's unlikely to have the ball much either, but he projects to be an all-around glue guy who can help on both ends.
best fits
As with Isaac Okoro, Portland (#16) could be a nice landing spot for a solid wing player. And while New Orleans (#13) has a lot of athleticism already, it never hurts to have another viable wing. They tended to play small at the SG-SF spot, which hurt their defense overall. Playing Green could help them when they slide Brandon Ingram over to the 4 and Zion Williamson at the 5.
worst fits
I don't see many "bad" fits for Josh Green on the board, but you'd prefer that he went to a team that intended to make him a part of the future. Minnesota (#17) may not be able to do that if they already have Jarrett Culver and Josh Okogie. Brooklyn (#19) may not be looking for long-term projects since they're in a "win now" mode.
(14) PG Tyrell Terry, Stanford
Tyrell Terry is rocketing up draft boards on account of his stellar shooting ability (41% from 3, 89% from the line) and his better-than-expected measurement of 6'3". It's only natural that pundits would start comparing him to stud shooters like Steph Curry.
That said, not every stud shooter is Steph Curry. Some are Seth Curry. Some are Quinn Cook. There's a slight chance Terry breaks out as a good starter, but there's a better than average chance he peaks as a rotational player instead. Still, he should be an asset to a team as a spacer, particularly if they run their offense through a playmaking forward (like a LeBron James).
And in case you're wondering, no he is NOT related to Jason Terry, although some of their skill sets do overlap as scoring guards with deep range.
best fits
If we presume that Tyrell Terry can be a Seth (not Steph) type player, then adding him to Dallas (#18) makes sense. He can develop behind Seth for a year or two as he gains weight, and then help complement Luka Doncic as a spacer after that. Similarly, he makes sense for Philadelphia (#21) as well. We'd still lock Ben Simmons into the starting PG role, but Terry could play alongside him in lineups or be used as a sparkplug off the bench.
worst fits
Teams that may be eyeing Tyrell Terry as a surefire starter will have to be careful. For example, Phoenix (#10) needs an heir apparent for Ricky Rubio, but a Terry + Devin Booker combo may be problematic on the defensive end. Some other teams -- Brooklyn (#19) and Denver (#22) -- already have sharpshooter guards, so they don't have as strong of a need for this type of player.
(15) PF Aleksej Pokusevski, Serbia
We mentioned that LaMelo Ball may be the biggest boom/bust prospect in the class, likening him to gambling on Roulette. Enter Aleksej Pokusevski. "Gambling" may not even be doing it justice. This is like risking your family fortune on a bag of magic beans.
But hey, that worked for Jack, and it could work for an NBA team as well. I have a friend who works in coaching who raved about Pokusevski and considers him a top 10 prospect overall. After all, this is a legit 7'0" player with true perimeter skills. Playing for Olympiacos' development team, he averaged 16.7 points, 12.2 rebounds, 4.8 assists, 2.0 steals, and 2.8 blocks per 36 minutes. He hasn't even turned 19 years old yet, giving him an enormous amount of upside.
Still, he scares the hell out of me. He's listed at 7'0" and 200 pounds, with narrow shoulders that make you doubt how much weight he'll be able to carry in the long term. His body type doesn't remind you of any current NBA forwards; it reminds you of two kids wearing a trenchcoat.
All in all, Pokusevski seems like a great prospect to invest in, presuming you don't have to withdraw from the bank until 2023 or 2024. To that end, teams should only consider them if they feel confident in their long-term job security.
best fits
If the goal is to send Aleksej Pokusevski to a good, stable organization, then you can't do much better than San Antonio (#11). Even if Gregg Popovich retires from coaching, R.C. Buford should be around to help the next coach (Becky Hammon? Will Hardy? R.C.'s son Chase?). And if the goal is to find a good stable GM, Sam Presti and Oklahoma City (#25) would be a great home as they prepare for a long-term rebuild.
worst fits
Orlando (#15) always values length, but they have limited space left in the frontcourt and limited leg room left on that poor charter plane.
I wasn't kidding when I said this post was "overly" long. The rest of the top 20 got cut off because of a length limit. I'll try to include them in the comment section.

And suddenly, as I looked around, a crowd of people surrounded me. I was at the craps table, up $200. The die were hot that night. The people were cheering me on. “Lucky 7’s!”, they hollered. I cast the die one final time and...
Hold on hold on, before I get to the good stuff let me take you back to where this really began. It all really started about a month or two before. A good buddy of mine, Jimmy, had bought a poker set. You know, nothing too fancy. Jimmy was a simple guy, we’d invite the guys over to his garage, sip bourbon, hack cigs, and throw in some logs. Some nights, when there was more whiskey in us than water, we’d wager some money. Nothing big, you know? Just maybe a $10-$20 buy in. I was a decent player I’d say. For me though, it wasn’t really about the money. I enjoyed the thrill of it, watching the river turn, going all in on a bluff when all I would have is a dirty pair of 2’s. Stuff of that sort. Soon we got into things like blackjack, and eventually we bought some old rickety roulette board that could barely spin on its axis. But it worked, none the less. I enjoyed watching the ball dance between red and black when I’d have some $25 placed on red. I always loved red, that color never did me wrong. Things continued like this for the next month. It wasn’t long before I was up a few bucks, and I started to get it in me that it was time to hit the big leagues. There was a casino in our small town not too far from where we lived. And I had a shitty old fake from Missouri. Birth year was 98, and the name was Phil. I don’t know why, but I always liked that name. So I headed to the gambling joint to dance in the devil’s playground. Upon my arrival, I was bombarded with bright lights, sweet aromas wafting from the diners, and a feeling of excitement arose within me. I wanted to fit in, so I wore a leather jacket, white washed jeans, and my nicest pair of boots. I handed the chump at the front desk my fake, and to my surprise I breezed right by. I was in. Now from the snippets of a book I had bought, and a handful of youtube videos, I learned craps gives you the best odds. So I decided to go to the craps table. I started off small. $5 bets, $10, and before I knew it I was up quite a bit. People started to watch me, enjoying this young kid run it up at the table. The old men liked my spirit, and in between roles I had some casino skanks flirting with me and offering me drinks. I was having the time of my life. I was up $200 in the blink of an eye, when all I came there with was a crumpled 20 and a dream. I decided to place a $100 bet on 7’s, I was feeling myself. I was shaking up the die, ready for a roll. People were excited, and hell, even the worker at the table was enjoying it. Then, as I cast the die, a hand snatched me by my arm. I heard a voice say, “Phil, huh? Yeah, you’re coming with me.” I turned, and it was a state trooper with black shades on.

Writer’s Note: The last of my trilogies of fan fiction. This is the full story, next part in the comments. Roles are pre-assigned based on the canon of the show; Arnie Niekamp plays Shroom, Adal Rifai plays Meemee, Brooke Breit plays Ari, Erin Keif plays Code. Enjoy!
_________________________________________________
Static starts
INT. EARTH BUNKER – AT SOME TIME
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN is sitting comfortably in an office chair, leaning over a desk, and checking a list. He seems fairly focused, hitting the pencil to his lips and cheek.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Hmm let’s see…I have “make a sourdough starter”, “renovate the kitchen”, “learn an instrument”, “learn a language”, “read a book” and finally, “watch all Oscar Winning Best Films of each year” ...What else can I add to 2020 bingo of things people haven’t done?
While the list is being rattled off, there are background noises of different footsteps and shuffling, quickening as the Mysterious Man ends his list. A late 20s Asian woman, ANN, comes by the desk in a huff, aiming for the dials that change the frequency of the podcast. LINCOLN quickly followers her, reaching out his hands to stop her, but his efforts are futile. The Mysterious Man’s expression shifts back and forth between confusion and being pissed off.
ANN: (Politely) Excuse me, I just want to borrow this for a second…
The static gives various tones as Ann alters the dials.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Oh, I’m sorry, does my shirt say, “I have nothing important to do, please feel free to touch my dials to another dimension.”? (To Lincoln) Seriously, who is this human?
LINCOLN: I don’t know. She just inserted herself into the bunker and my bosses don’t know how she knew about this place.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Lincoln, remind me to get a thesaurus for you next gift giving holiday so you can understand there are better ways to phrase things. –Also, you’re telling me she isn’t one of your people?
Lincoln shrugs and the machine clicks. The static is lessened, and the tones are far more consistent. Ann stops scanning the dials. Her excitement is barely contained.
ANN: Ah HA! I knew it would have to exist.
LINCOLN: What exists?
ANN: Rule 63.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Please, no one wants to hear a literal Bangin’ Buds story. That is the Russian roulette of a creator’s emails. The hosts probably regret nicknaming their fan fiction collection that too.
ANN: No, no. Rule 63: For every given male character, there is an equal female counterpart. It’s even on a preset on that channel.
The Mysterious Man leans down and squints to read the dials. He adjusts his face as if he has glasses.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Channel 63…Genderswap World? I thought I blacked out the option with a sharpie.
LINCOLN: So, does this mean we get to listen to another transmission from a different Foon?
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN: Over my extraterrestrial body! I was hoping we would close off interludes when we finally got all the meat sacks back into their respective home dimensions. But you know what, why should I start caring about what you do with your limited time on Earth now? If you need me, I’ll be in the break room betting with the other drones here how many reusable k-cups have not been cleaned. My money is on three. (to himself) This better be the last one.
The Mysterious Man walks away from his desk, leaving Lincoln and Ann in awkward silence. They both kind of stare at the ground, waiting for the other to say something.
ANN: I’m Ann by the way.
LINCOLN: Lincoln.
ANN: …So, do you want to start it off? It’s been a while since I heard your voice.
LINCOLN: No, I’m good. I think I’ll get Tricia; she might be interested in this broadcast.
ANN: Okay…
Lincoln leaves and Ann lightly waves him goodbye. Ann hesitantly sits in the Mysterious Man’s chair and pulls herself closer to the microphone.
ANN: So…um…yeah…I guess…People of Earth? The following podcast is not real. So, if you’re tired of these non-canonical variants, this is the last one, I promise…well, I hope. But if you do like it, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!
INT. BAR - DAYTIME
MUNDLE THE GRUNDLE starts the musical intro, some bar noises heard in the background. Patrons move around the Vermillion Minotaur as the shot pans to a table where the human from another world, ARI, the shapeshifter, who is currently a small grizzly bear cub, CODE, and the slightly feminine USIDORE, the Blue Wizard, drink and do their podcast. Light live band music is heard in the back.
ARI: Hello from the Magic Tavern!
Mundle the Grundle trills
ARI (CONT’D): A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I’m your host, Ari Niekamp. If you never listened to the podcast before, don’t worry, this is everything you need to know. Almost six years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Houlihan's, in Chicago, into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I’m still getting a Wi-fi signal from the Houlihan's, through the dimensional rift and I use that to upload a podcast, chronicling our quest to defeat The Dark Lady. And I’m joined by my co-host, Code, the talking grizzly bear!
CODE: AW YEAHHH HONEYYYYYY. Do you like my new catch phrase? I’ve been testing it out.
ARI: I do like it. It definitely fits with your bear motif.
CODE: I also have bear teeth. Ha cha cha. I mean, c’mon look at them.
Code opens her mouth, shoving her face by Ari’s face. Ari recoils slightly.
CODE: Schee! Schee!
ARI: Code, I get it. Can you move your mouth? Your breath smells like fish tacos.
CODE: (Backs away) A what?
ARI: It's like flat bread folded as if you made a V with your hands and it has fish. Could be hard or soft. The bread, not the fish.
CODE: Mmmm yum yum yum yum. But why would my mouth smell like that?
ARI: Wh-why would you stress the word “mouth”?
CODE: What do you mean? I always talk like this.
ARI: Nevermind. It has been a while since I heard you say all those yums. Can you remind me of some of the other catchphrases you have?
CODE: Well, I ran “Code’s up with that” to the ground. “Get Hard”, my one-time catchphrase, “Living up to the Code”, and, of course, “Let’s put that on a tank top!”
ARI: And I’m emailing the store to get our current shirt taken down.
CODE: What were they thinking, typing up “Chunt’s up with that”?
ARI: It’s one letter away from being too close for comfort. I mean, I’m okay with it, but it’s not exactly marketable.
CODE: But the “Ask me about my two buttholes” shirt is still okay, right?
ARI: Mmhmm. Somehow, it’s the best seller.
CODE: You know, I’ve been thinking about it; we really need to put new merch into the store. You did look good as Tika.
ARI: You mean when I was a tiki mug? I guess that might be an easy sell. But it feels a little hollow since I’m not the one being drank out of.
CODE: Okay, maybe that’s a bad idea if you’re just gonna make it sexual.
ARI: It’s not a sex thing! I just had a strong desire for people to drink me. It felt like my purpose.
CODE: Alright. Well, what about a stuffed bear? I mean, who wouldn’t want a face like this hanging around. OH, and I can have a tape box inside of me like that Teddy Ruxpin I pretended to be when we visited you on Earth.
ARI: That does sound like a fu-
CODE: OH! And we can put one in the stuff bear! It could say “Aww yeah Honey!” That will really get my new catchphrase going.
ARI: So, wait, you wanted a tape inside the real you? Why would you do that?
CODE: Well, I could take a slumber cup and fall asleep. We could put some standard phrases so I can participate in the podcast. It’s the perfect out! And, when I die, you can put sunglasses on me and bring me to the beach and host a party.
ARI: And how many times do we have to do this?
CODE: Once is probably enough, but definitely no more than two times. We can call it “Weekend at Bechtel’s”. Doesn’t that sound like fun?
ARI: Mmhmm. And on that note, I’m also joined by my other co-host, Usidore the Wizard.
USIDORE: I AM USIDORE! Wizard of the 12th Realm of Epothomia, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos, CHAMPION OF THE GREAT HALLS OF FORMIYA TERRA! The elves know me as Fey’icia H’ghard, the dwarfs know me as Zappa Hoobastank, and I am also known in the Northeast as Goya Armani. And there are other secret names, secret names that, when uttered aloud, most assuredly, it would switch the genitalia of everyone on Foon.
CODE: And who wants to hear a whole episode about that?
USIDORE: Well, if we don’t constantly point it out, I’m sure it would be fine.
ARI: You know I should’ve said Hoogstandjes when you said Hoobastank.
USIDORE: Why would you say that?
ARI: Hoogstandjes is a band on Earth, but I don’t really want to talk about Earth stuff.
CODE: Well, you brought it up. Tell us, what kind of band they are like? What songs do they sing?
USIDORE: Yes, tell us.
ARI: Alright, there’s…The Reason, Out of Control, and… that’s it!
CODE: That’s it?
ARI: Well, I don’t understand what you want from me. I don’t really listen to them. It seems much more of our audience’s speed as I keep on getting emails addressing Usidore as Hoogstandjes.
USIDORE: Ari, why are you running away from more song names?
CODE: Yeah, I’m sure if you start crawling in the dark, you could find more songs.
ARI: Is that a song by them?
CODE: Baby don’t know. If I Were You, I would brush up on that knowledge.
ARI: That felt like a deep cut.
USIDORE: Ah. I-I do want to circle back to the store front. We need more Usidore shirts, or a poster with all my names.
ARI: You do have both with all your names.
USIDORE: No, it has the names I say as my intro. I have many other secret names. Wh-Why, we can fill a whole time. We can call it, Usidore: from A to Z. We’ll just leave out all the danger names.
CODE: Usidore, can I say one of the dangerous names you taught me?
USIDORE: I-I suppose, just nothing too destructive.
CODE: (whispers) Kugel Phalanges
A small rock materializes and drops on Ari’s head, nothing to cause a bruise. Usidore snickers a little.
ARI: Ow, hey…
USIDORE: Ha ha, if she had said it any louder, it would be a much bigger rock.
ARI: Usidore, I already told you-
USIDORE: -And I do love rocks.
ARI: (sign) I already told you, you can literally jumble words together and someone, at some point, has called you that. (points at Code) Case and point.
USIDORE: Name 5 of my names.
ARI: Okay, ummm Laurence Hathaway.
CODE: One.
ARI: Magoogala Simpaline
CODE AND USIDORE: Two.
ARI: That one guy.
CODE AND USIDORE: Three.
ARI: Umm…The Hateful Bitch
USIDORE: (flatly) How dare you.
CODE: Four. And Five?
ARI: Uhh… (mumbles under her breath)
CODE: Yup, that’s all five!
USIDORE: Now let me set the record straight-
ARI: Sure.
USIDORE: Laurence Hathaway is wh-what the wizard lawyers call me. Magoogala SimpaliNA, not Simplaine, is what the narwhals of Hi-Higgens Shore call me. Many people call me that one guy, but they cannot see my w-womanly figure. The fourth one was just cruel. And that last name is pronounced like this. (mumbles under her breath)
Ari tries to mimic Usidore’s mumbles.
USIDORE (CONT’D): No, no no. (repeats mumbles)
Ari tries once again to mimic Usidore’s mumbles. They keep going for a bit. Code also tries to mumble like Usidore.
USIDORE: Ah! Excellent, Code. See, Ariana, it is easy.
ARI: It’s Ari. And where was that rock name when we were running away from Baroness Ragoon’s soldiers?
USIDORE: Oh, it has a recharge time of a long rest.
ARI: And what constitutes a long rest?
CODE: Ari, I think you just go to bed.
USIDORE: In-in most cases, y-yes. BUT! This particular long rest is a cov-coveted secret.
Usidore looks around to make sure no one is around. She leans over the table and Ari and Code follow.
USIDORE (CONT’D): (low voice) Go down, deep into the depths of the dungeon, find the master, and tell him softly, “I need to take a long rest”. (normal voice) And if you have others with you on your quest party, they also must rest.
ARI: Isn’t that just a spell then?
USIDORE: Of course not, th-the golems of the Undermountain call me that. And we all say it together to greet one another.
ARI: Usidore, that’s just a greeting.
CODE: You know that last name was fun! We should do a whole podcast just saying- (mumbles)
USIDORE: Ah yes! (mumbles)
Code and Usidore continue to mumble to each other.
USIDORE: What fun!
ARI: Yup, perfect podcast content.
CODE: Yeah, and I can get on one side of the mic, and Usidore can get on the other side of the mic.
USIDORE: Oh yes, gives me the tingles on the back of my neck.
CODE: Like the sound my fur makes when you ruffle it up.
USIDORE: Let me conjure some spiced potatoes to eat. That should give this podcast that audible crunch.
CODE: Ooooo yum yum yum! Get me some too. And a tac-co!
USIDORE: What’s a taco?
CODE: Well, Ari says it’s like little flat piece of bread-
ARI: Code, Code, we are not a muckbang podcast!
CODE: Muckbang? What does that have to do with swinger swampmen and women having a blast! When I turned into a swampperson-
ARI: You were a swamp person?
CODE: Mmmhmm, wild nights!
ARI: We also have to order up some for a large party, because we have a few guests coming on today.
CODE: Great! Who do we have?
ARI: Well, we have some good friends that we haven’t heard from in a while and they heard about the tavern’s night event!
USIDORE: Oh yes, I did see the signs for ka-karaoke night. And you did tell us how, when you first came to Foon, y-you were heading to a karaoke night of your own?
ARI: Not exactly. For listeners who haven’t been around the last six years, I was on my way to Houlihan's for a quick lunch and saw that they had a karaoke night that night and I told myself I would come back later that day. And when I was about to drive away, I fell through a dimensional rift with my Toyota Sienna, and I was brought here. And I stumbled my way to the Vermillion Minotaur, where they also had a karaoke night, where I met Code and Usidore. If you really want to know more, just listen to the first episode.
USIDORE: Or the Five-Year Anniversary episode.
ARI: Or read the book published last year.
USIDORE: Or the graphic novel publishing later this year.
ARI: (smugly) Hashtag Shameless Plugs.
CODE: It saves on the exposition, and we all know what exposition ruins.
ARI: Listenership?
CODE: No, my appetite. I’m bear-y hungry.
ARI: Not even subtle. I thought you would go for one obvious joke, and you went for another.
USIDORE: Can you believe how deep my voice was in the beginning episodes?
CODE: You just really love those cough drops.
USIDORE: I still have some in my robe if you want to try some.
Usidore fiddles with her robes and pulls out a small satchel. She shakes it a little and it rattles.
ARI: That’s okay. Just keep your normal voice, okay?
USIDORE: Alright.
Usidore pulls some drops out of the satchel and chews some cough drops. Her voice briefly slips into the normal, canon Usidore voice.
USIDORE (CONT’D): Mmmm. More for me. (munches more)
Ari sighs.
CODE: But tell us who’s gonna be on with us!
ARI: Well, when I heard they knew about karaoke night, one of them was really excited to come and the other was like, okay. Please welcome Meemee the rat with human strength and Shroom, the mushroom.
CODE: We don’t have boys on the podcast that often. Mmmm Boys night!
ARI: (Flirty) Boys night!
USIDORE: BOYS NIGHT!
Little grunts are heard as MEEMEE tries to climb up the table. Meemee is a grey rat with Guy Fieri hair and a small needle as a sword by his side. He carries SHROOM, a Portobello mushroom, on his back. Shroom has a small nibble on the top of his head.
MEEMEE: Huh tut tut tut, hi, I’m Meemee.
SHROOM: What’s up?
MEEMEE: I am sooooo excited for karaoke. You guys have to Hear. Meemee. Sing.
CODE: Hear Meemee?
MEEMEE: Yeah! (sing songy) Mee mee meeeeeee!
SHROOM: And I’m pretty happy to be invited.
ARI: Hey, how have you two been? What have you been up to?
MEEMEE: Oh, Meemee is fabulous. To be honest though, this is my first time being out like this since Ari drank my girlfriend.
ARI: Yeah, I’m sorry about last time. I was just so thirsty.
MEEMEE: Ari, we’ve been over this before; you can’t keep drinking other rat’s girlfriends.
SHROOM: That sounds pretty wild.
MEEMEE: But you know, I am back. Been focusing on myself for a while now. I have tried some knight things, which was pretty fun. Meemee even got a promotion!
CODE: Oh, what kind of adventures have you been having?
MEEMEE: Well, I have an outrageous story where I pretended to be a poor rat, and that poor rat pretended to be a knight. Then I did tournaments, fighting with other knights, mostly jousting. There was even a ball where I almost got with a princess. Eventually, the whole crowd found out I was poor, but respected me as the knight I was all along.
ARI: Wh-I have so many questions. Ho-
CODE: Yeah, like did you participate in the summer? Like could you feel the Heath?
USIDORE: I presume you had a Ledger that recorded this information?
MEEMEE: Mmhmm, I got it right here. Let me see what I got:
Meemee pulls out a tiny little notebook and reads from it.
MEEMEE (CONT’D): It says, “ask me about my scars”, “I can’t quit you” …
SHROOM: Try checking under “The Dark Knight”.
MEEMEE: No, I’m not checking under “The Dark Knight”, you Joker.
SHROOM: Don’t give me 10 things to hate about you.
MEEMEE: That’s a little rude.
ARI: Can I just ask, how can you joust as a rat?
MEEMEE: Well, as a rat with human strength, I just-
Meemee mimics straddling a horse. He pulls out his sword and points it to the sky. The group closes in on the table to watch him go. Shroom rolls closer to the center for a better look.
MEEMEE: Hut ta ta ta ta tuh-climb up and- Hut ta ta- and there’s my lance. Meemee is ready to go.
USIDORE: What a wonderful graphic image you presented.
CODE: And I can even imagine the wind flowing through your luscious Guy Fieri hair!
ARI: Meemee, no offense, but you’re so small. How can you compete with the other knights?
MEEMEE: How do you think I always win?
ARI: You got a point.
CODE: And Shroom, what have you been up to?
SHROOM: Well, I’ve actually been having a rough time because of Usidore.
USIDORE: What did I do?
SHROOM: Did you not see the sizable bite mark on the rim of my mushroom cap?
Shroom turns his mushroom cap to the group to get a better view.
ARI: I never pegged you as a “cap” person.
MEEMEE: I thought it was a new haircut.
CODE: Yeah! The nibble works for you buddy!
ARI: But how is this Usidore’s fault?
SHROOM: Someone leaked out Usidore’s morglorb recipe, which includes bits of me-
CODE: Usidore, you use parts of Shroom?
USIDORE: Oh, he grows back.
ARI: But not all of him.
SHROOM: Actually, Usidore does take huge chunks at a time. I actually move by growing in the direction I want to go.
ARI: What?
CODE: Yeah, don’t you know how mushrooms work?
ARI: I mean, I kind of know how mushrooms work on Earth, but how do they work in Foon?
SHROOM: So, when I don’t have the luxury of someone or something picking me up and moving me, I secrete spores that-
MEEMEE: Ugh, you are the last person that I want to imagine “secreting “anything.
SHROOM: (Glares at Meemee) …so that spreads my fungus-
MEEMEE: EW EW THAT MAKES IT WORSE!!
SHROOM: -and I become the next iteration forwards. There!
USIDORE: Ah yes, and I use the parts left over in my morglorb recipe. It is-uh, the second main ingredient. (leans to Code) The first ingredient is Miracle Whip.
ARI: Can I ask, is Shroom…pubes?
SHROOM: Well, I wouldn’t simplify it as-
MEEMEE: Shroom is pubes.
CODE: Sounds like Shroom is pubes.
SHROOM: (chuckles discontent) Ha, you guys sucks.
ARI: And the bite mark?
SHROOM: Oh yeah. When everyone found out Usidore’s recipe, people tried to eat me, hoping to get high. I had to find somewhere dark where no one would find me.
MEEMEE: Shroom, you went somewhere dark and…dank? Sounds like a perfect place to find drug ingredients.
SHROOM: I’m starting to regret having you pick me up.
MEEMEE: Aw, I thought us together would make us fun guys.
SHROOM: We’re more like low hanging fruit.
USIDORE: (to Ari) I can still get you some morglorb if you’re interested.
ARI: Whoa, easy there, Walter White. I think I’m good without it.
USIDORE: Who is this Walter White? I cannot be someone who is white, for I AM USIDORE THE BLUE!
CODE: But let’s be clear, you’re pretty fucking white.
ARI: But it’s great to have both of you here! How did you two hear about the event?
MEEMEE: Well, I heard it from my tinder date.
ARI: Your what?
MEEMEE: My tinder date!
CODE: Oh Ari, let me explain; in Foon, a tinder date is when you schedule a tinder to come to your house and light a fire. You tell them where to light it by swiping your hand left or right. Does that make sense?
ARI: Mmmhmm
MEEMEE: And sometimes you fuck them.
USIDORE: And did you?
MEEMEE: A classy rat never kisses and tells. So yeah, I did. My ratty ass is on the rebound and on the prowl.
SHROOM: And I’m here for moral support.
ARI: Well, no need to be down on yourself.
SHROOM: No, I’m here to support Meemee. You know, be his Wing-shroom.
MEEMEE: Yeah, I’ll look better in comparison.
SHROOM: Ho-how is it that I’m the one still being dunked on.
ARI: Dunked?
SHROOM: Ugh, I don’t want to talk about Foon Stuff.
ARI: So Meemee, you’re back on the market again, good for you!
MEEMEE: Mmhmm, putting myself back out there and putting my best foot forward. And when I get up there, I’m going to sing my little heart out and My Heart Will Go On.
USIDORE: I believe there will not be a dry eye in the house. You’ll sink some ships with that siren song.
MEEMEE: It will be so good! the ladies will be throwing Roses at my door.
ARI: The door that can only hold one person?
MEEMEE: There’s no way a door can hold two people, not even if you shifted over a little bit.
CODE: Meemee, I’m really liking this vibe you’re putting out. Really a lot of BDE.
ARI: BDE?
MEEMEE: BDE stands for…Birds…dying everywhere.
USIDORE: (solemnly) Oh, I love birds…
MEEMEE: Yeah, it is to emit energy so powerful, you just kill all the birds around you.
SHROOM: Or you strut around like you have a Big Dick.
ARI: Ah, big dick energy…
MEEMEE: That’s what I got.
SHROOM: The energy of a massive penis?
CODE: But seriously, I want to get back in the game too! Code is back baybee! Make space on that sex tapestry!
ARI: Right, that’s still a thing.
CODE: I know it hasn’t been updated for a while, but until Eggy Baby comes back to me in the mail, I might as well strut my stuff. In Foon, we call it seagulling.
USIDORE: Ah yes, the act of seagulling. Where you c-call out into the room filled with people, find a f-fine gentleman or a lovely l-lady and scream “mine” repeatedly.
ARI: Is it like peacocking?
USIDORE: Why would anyone act like a peacock? They are the second most pretentious bird! Next to the fucking starlings.
SHROOM: Is it because we were talking about big dick energy?
ARI: Nevermind. Although, I am a little surprised that you want to sing, Code. I never pegged you for a singer.
CODE: Is it because I have a grizzly voice?
ARI: What? No! I-
CODE: Well let me tell you, Ari, I have a beautiful voice. And I don’t know what it is about this form, but wanting to sing is, like, a necessity.
MEEMEE: A bear necessity?
CODE: YES! A simple bear necessity.
SHROOM: There’s something about that that makes me want to dance.
CODE: Right!? (starts dancing) It just makes me forget all my worries and my strife.
ARI: Does that dance have a name?
CODE: My Beary Merry Dance?
ARI: Not a Baloo galoo?
CODE: I hate how smug you look right now. Why are you so smug?
MEEMEE: Yeah, a Baloogie Oogie sounds much more fun.
SHROOM: That just sounds like a booger.
CODE: Ari, didn’t you say that there is a Boo-ger King on Earth? And that they sell Woo-pers?
ARI: Mmhmm, it’s the leading competitor to McDoogles.
SHROOM: I could go for McDoogles and their famous Big Mick.
USIDORE: It sounds racist when you say it like that, Mushroom.
SHROOM: It’s Shroomie.
MEEMEE: Wait, is that really your name? I’ve been calling you Shroom.
SHROOM: Yeah, I-
CODE: Have we been calling you the wrong name this entire time?
USIDORE: It just sounds like a missed opportunity.
SHROOM: M-My name is Shroom! But I do like the name Shroomie.
MEEMEE: Hey, maybe I can move in with you in your little mushroom cave and we can shroom-mates? And I can call you my Shroomie.
SHROOM: I haven’t needed a shroom-mate since college.
USIDORE: I imagine your t-trail of self can be considered your roommates.
SHROOM: I guess I do have a little Shroomie hanging out with me from time to time.
CODE: Is that what you call it? Gross.
SHROOM: No No! -
ARI: I’m sorry, can I ask you something Shroom? Now for the last 6 years that I’ve known you-
MEEMEE: From the first time she threw you off from that cliff to now.
CODE: Yes, that did happen.
ARI: Well, I never knew you went to college.
SHROOM: Yeah, I went to the Eyes University, home of the bucks.
MEEMEE: That’s where you learn how to get to the Ohio State?
SHROOM: Mmhmm
ARI: Wait, all this time, you have an Ohio here in Foon?
SHROOM: Yup, it was a class where we got high. We would go “oh!”, then we’re high, and when we come down from that high, we go “oh…”
ARI: Oh…
SHROOM: Yup, just like that.
USIDORE: It is very similar to the wizard state. Here, watch! (mixes of mumbles and whispers) …chamber pots…among us…two dollars off next purchase...
Usidore continues to mumble while the rest of the group kind of rolls their eyes. In the back, OPEN MICHELLE starts prepping the stage and brings a piece of paper on a stool. The band in the back also starts to tune and set up.
CODE: Seamless.
ARI: Well, I think the signup sheet for karaoke is opening up, so why don’t we take a break while she’s in the wizard state and think about some songs that we can sing!
CODE: Oooo Oooo, I know the perfect song to sign you up for.
ARI: I have to sing, too?
CODE: Wait, so you were hoping that you got to be the asshole that doesn’t sing?
ARI: I don’t know any songs from Foon!
SHROOM: Why say “we” then?
ARI: I mean the royal we!
CODE: While I was Queen of the Bear, I took a royal wee.
MEEMEE: Look, it’s easy! Here, I’ll help find you a song, then maybe the ladies will get jealous that I’m already hanging out with a lady and go “Hey, hands off!”
ARI: Have you ever talked to a woman before? Like ever?
USIDORE: (more mumbles and whispers)-…bone, boot, ball, bell nuggies...
FADE OUT: