Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 180^0.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝

Ready for a rant?
Vancouver concert people, what happened last Saturday is unacceptable. Let’s talk about it.
The events are still on my mind evidently and I just want to get it off my chest. I’m still appalled by what happened. We went to a concert inside the old Casino, which is the old Plaza of Nations. They call this place Harbor Convention Center. King Gizzard was playing. A very popular Australian psych band.
Doors were 8, show at 9. The lineup to get in even at 8:45 was over 500 feet long (actually) and remained that way for a long time. The opener came on before the time advertised (9pm), which is fine, but hundreds of people in line missed band(s) they were counting on seeing and paid for. Poor, poor organization.
Inside at the merch booth, there was one card reader and over a hundred people were jammed in that line, which was right by the front door. Apparently, everyone was in good spirits there, however.
The capacity for the venue is 2,452. It felt oversold and dangerous. There were almost no seats. The bathrooms were full of smoke.The barrier for the pit was barely hanging on when Gizzard took the stage, almost collapsing. I would say 90% of the audience were downstairs in front of the stage, packing the bottom floor.
I’ve experienced all these things by themselves at shows, and they are not that out of the ordinary, but it just paints a picture of how terribly run this event was and really sets the stage for what happened next.
King Gizzard were clearly nearing the end of their set. At most they had 2 songs left. The friend I was with lived in Langley. It was late. We wanted to beat the crowd, as we knew what awaited us with this crowd filing out through the tiny front entrance. We go to leave.
At the exit, I am met by at least 8-10 security guards with arms crossed in front of the glass doors and a bunch of other concert goers, sort of milling about standing in front of them. I walk up and say to the large guard “Excuse me, I’m just leaving now” and try to get to the door. He physically blocks me and says, “No you can’t.” I said “What?” He says, “Nobody can leave until the band is done.” I said, “Okay, where is the second exit, so I can leave?” He says, “There isn’t one.” Well.
It’s at this point I start to realize why all these other people are milling around this area. They have been told by this intimidating squad of security guards that they can’t leave. I tell the guard, “I’m leaving right now, and there’s nothing you are going to do about it.” I try to push through them. They physically restrain me and stop me from getting to the doors stating, “It is the bands request that they leave the stage first, so they do not get mobbed.” I say, “I don’t give a fuck what they requested, let me out of the fucking venue right fucking now.” I’m getting extremely heated at this point, realizing I am being held in a place, ANY PLACE, against my free will. All these security guards genuinely believed that they had this right to stop us from vacating a venue. The sheer ignorance and audacity of this is beyond my comprehension. So, voices started to raise, there is pushing and shoving, this goes on for many, many minutes. Lots of concert goers get involved. I am loud and want out. Some people are with me, some against me, which blows my mind even more. I’m clearly explaining how they are violating every single person here and I’m continually saying things to the effect of “Let Me the Fuck Out.” Long story short, they finally gave in and let ONLY ME out. The gate keepers finally saw fit to let me pass. I get to the door and it’s LOCKED. So, not only are they holding us there against our will, they had locked us all in. So, I’m fumbling with the lock, and get the door open, and I get out. The doors close and everyone else remained inside. Locked up it seems, until King Gizzard and The Lizard Wizard, The Security Team and Timbre Concerts agreed that it was time for all these paying customers be set free into the night.
Can you imagine if there was a fire? Can you imagine if there were a stampede, panic and people pushed into locked glass doors and windows? If I needed to get to some medication in my car? If there was a family emergency? Didn’t matter. Couldn’t leave. Not happening.
I feel great and proud about standing up for such an important matter. It went way beyond specific rules at a concert. It went into the realm of quasi authority figures taking an Orwellian stance and imposing rules on a free society. King Gizzard and The Lizard Wizard can request things all they want. I don’t hold anything against them for the request. It is the job of Timbre Concerts and their hired security to, above all, provide a safe environment for their paying guests. Even if that means telling one of the most popular bands on the planet “tough shit.” Figure it out. Come up with a plan that doesn’t involve stripping the public of their FREE WILL for ANY amount of time.
I don’t want an apology. I want an admission of guilt from Timbre Concerts and the Security Team. I want them to say they were wrong and that it will never happen again.
I’d love to hear your comments, questions and, if you were there, share your experience. I’d love to know what Security company it was too. Trust me, if my phone hadn’t died, I’d have all these guys on camera looking smug, telling me and about 100+ others, that we couldn’t leave.
Thanks for reading this far. Had to be said.

Expiry: April 30, 2020
Retailer: BCLC
$30 of promotional play credit at Vancouver area Casinos
I have found 3 different coupons from facebook ads, each is good for $10 in free play at the following casinos in the Vancouver, BC area:
Cascades Casino Langley
Elements Casino Surrey (Cloverdale)
Grand Villa Casino (Burnaby)
Hard Rock Casino Vancouver (Coquitlam)
Hastings Racecourse & Casino (where the PNE is)
Parq Vancouver (Downtown near BC place)
River Rock Casino Resort (Richmond)
Starlight Casino (Queensborough, New Westminster)
I asked and no you can not use the same code at more than one casino.
But each person can easily get up to $30 in free play
To maximize your guaranteed payout you just watch how much you are winning and then cash out when your total equals that amount
example: get 10 of promotional credit when you put in your player card. add up all the amounts you win...say 1.00, 2.00, 0.50, 0.50 then cash out and you will get 4.00 in real money.
or add up all your bets and quit when you have bet 10, ignoring the total on the machine.
If you cash out before you have spent the promotional amount then the amount it gives you will be less than you have on the machine. you may be able to continue playing the promotional amount but you can not get it out of the machine or use it in another machine.
I think you can redeem your 10 in two parts, 5 + 5
Expires April 30, 2020
If anyone finds other codes than these 3, let me know
BCL-GIRLSNT
BCL-DATENT
BCL-NTOUT
Here are PDFs of the coupons on a hosting site:
https://postimg.cc/gallery/1msjaknng/
If this is not a good way to share them maybe someone can show me how to put PDFs in my post or convert them to something that will show.
Good Luck

Preface

For context, this is for the actual AH portion of Overheaven - the stuff which happens after the primary 1967 POD, where the Outer Space Treaty isn’t signed, and as a result, space is opened up to military and commercial interests. By the 1990’s there are growing colonies on the moon (the Americans and Soviets landed there in 1969), Mars (the Americans land the first man on the Red Planet in 1976), and Venus (the Soviets establish the first aerostat colony in the “Yellow Planet’s” upper atmosphere in 1978); large rotating space stations with increasingly-permanent populations; mineral exploration of Near Earth Asteroids and the Main Belt; and preliminary manned missions to Mercury and Callisto. This does not refer to events in the FH portions of the setting.
However, this TL also has a bunch of smaller POD’s littered around it. Mostly for fun, but also to build up towards the timeline’s “current year”: 2185. And the South African Civil War is an event which does have repercussions stretching into the late 22nd century. And after much back and forth on the issue, I’ve decided to place the war in 1999-2005. I probably would have preferred to keep all of this under wraps until I had written up the TL into an episodic, chapter-by-chapter format, but I’m sure the actual chapter for this conflict will be much more interesting and engaging than what I present here.
So, with that preface out of the way, here are some of my rough ideas for the South African Civil War:

The Juicy Stuff

Not intrinsically linked to South Africa or its civil war, but my motivation for having it where it is in the timeline is based somewhat on the state of the USSR at the time.
In 1999, the US and USSR are close enough diplomatically that at the start of the year, they opened up the International Peace Bridge connecting Alaska to Siberia. Gorbachev rolls all sixes on the New Union reforms in the early 90’s, and by 1999, I think the USSR should be in a position to go on overseas adventures again. Due to overriding concerns at home, they would have withdrawn from international military engagements for much of the 1990's. For the most part, at least. There’d be some guns going off in the "Near Abroad" periphery as the Soviet deck got reshuffled in the early 90's, probably in Moldova and/or Georgia, which break away from the newfangled Union of Soviet Sovereign Republics along with the Baltic states. Moscow also likely backed up the Americans and South Koreans during the Second Korean War in the early 90’s as well, or at least played a role there diplomatically. However, the 90's mostly sees the Union focus on revitalizing itself and jump-starting its new post-communist economy, changing the world's perception of what the Soviet Union represents, bringing in American, British and Japanese investment and the like, and perhaps resetting their relationship with China; there’d also be a big scaling back of the USSR’s orbital weapons, as well as probably a bit of a fire sale on Soviet extraterrestrial real estate (though they’d hold onto their Venusian colonies for the most part), in order for Moscow to remain financially solvent back on Earth. Intervening in South Africa would be the Red Army's first major engagement overseas since Afghanistan.
At the end of this alternate Cold War, the US withdraws from NATO, which more or less collapses. To replace it, a slightly different European Union (including Switzerland and Norway by 1999, but not the UK) sets up a post-NATO “Joint European Defense Force” (or some better-named organization). And South Africa ends up being their baptism-by-fire, assuming I don’t have it instead be something slightly earlier, maybe involving the Balkans or Morocco. I expect they'll mostly play rearguard and support roles, simply because they won't have the logistics to send in tens of thousands of troops on the other side of the world.
I'm unsure how exactly Apartheid can be made to hold on a little longer, though. Nelson Mandela having a close encounter with a flight of stairs (people conveniently falling down the stairs and dying instantly is a recurring theme in Overheaven - Khomeini and William Proxmire being notable victims) may be a start, but I don't think that's enough to seal the deal. Sanctions will be the bigger issue, though perhaps the huge advances in spaceflight might hog airtime that might otherwise have been spent on raising awareness of Apartheid, thereby making it less of a prominent Western political cause for activists? After all, humans have fairly limited attention spans.
On a somewhat-related and somehow less-ridiculous note, I do quite like the idea of South Africa building a Von Braun wheel to help bolster confidence and moral in the government, and perhaps help turn a profit for the country via some combination of zero-g research and perhaps a space hotel service for unscrupulous millionaires? Maybe some shady spy dealings also take place on "Overbeek Station". So that's canon now, because it’s fun.
Anyway, by the 90's, I'm sure people will become very aware of what's happening in SA, so maybe the stiff sanctions of the 1980's which helped bring down the regime OTL will come into effect in the 90's. The Pahlavis are still running Iran, and by the late-80’s have developed both a manned space program and a domestic nuclear power grid (putting them less than half a turn of the screwdriver away from nuclear weapons), and they’ll probably continue to support South Africa right up until things start getting super-gross. Ditto with regards to Israel. Rhodesia might still continue onward in some form, though I’m still unsure of that bit, or of what role they might play in the Civil War.
Maybe one of you is more knowledgeable about SA history and can help me figure out what political factions would fill the void left by Mandela, or how we could push Apartheid's lifespan a little further.
Anyway, a flashpoint sets the South African tinderbox ablaze in the summer of 1999. The rebels can't defeat the SADF on its own terms, but make it bleed when they bring the fighting to the cities. Foreign volunteers come in to back up either side, and end up radicalizing both. You have white nationalists, Neo-Nazis and extreme anti-communists from the Americas and Europe, along with apolitical mercenaries from odd corners of the world, backing up the Apartheid regime. And black nationalist and Marxist volunteers from Africa and the Caribbean come in to back up the ANC and its allies. Gadaffi wholeheartedly backs the black rebels; perhaps KPA remnants from a collapsed-in-the-early-90’s North Korea show up; Palestinians might get involved in the name of international solidarity; Iran and Israel might try something squirrelly (the latter might wash their hands of South Africa when they notice the Neo-Nazi militants gaining influence there); and, again, things get really interesting if Rhodesia is still around (or if Mugabe rules Zimbabwe).
A cease-fire is declared New Years Eve, at the dawn of the new millennium, and peace talks begin in Bloemfontein. In February of 2000, after much tension, cool heads in both camps (very wary of the extremists who've shown up on the battlefield) end up prevailing and an election is announced for May that year.
In March, however, psychotic Neo-Nazi volunteers from Canada, led by Wolfgang Gröge, hijack the government's nuclear weapons and vaporize Bloemfontein (a neutral zone and a symbol of the South African government’s unwillingness to stand up to “Jewish Bolshevism” or whatever weird conspiracy theory they’re running with) and a few black-majority cities in 45-kiloton mushroom clouds.
The ceasefire instantly breaks down. Everyone is confused and angry. One side is no longer interested in compromise, the other is fearful of being exterminated. Things get, in a word, MESSY. The nuclear detonations of course shock the world and are roundly condemned, as are the racially-motivated killings committed by both sides.
The South African government fortifies itself in Pretoria, executes every last national socialist they can find, and uses chemical weapons to narrowly fend off a major offensive by the ANC. They threaten to use their remaining nukes if the rebels try anything else against Pretoria. Yes, I am referencing RoboCop here, BTW. While the SADF forces and the mercenaries among their ranks hold onto cities like Johannesburg, Cape Town and Durban, many of the more far-right and racist types end up deserting and forming roving gangs of genocidal fascists, who make up for their lack of numbers compared to the black nationalist and Marxist rebels, with sheer ruthlessness, skill and higher-tier weaponry. At this point, the Libyans have shipped in heavier weapons left over from the Cold War, and are sending in more and more troops to South Africa; Gadaffi’s regime is the only country to recognize the “African People’s Socialist Republic” - a state best described as a black supremacist Khmer Rouge.
Overseas, nobody's really sure what the Hell is going on. Nobody's sure whether or not the South African government is being honest about Canadian Nazis hijacking their nukes and using them against their will, but the optics of turning Pretoria into a nuclear-armed "final redoubt" willing to use chemical weapons - yeah, those optics could not be any worse. Nobody's sure about what the facts are, but everyone - Washington, Moscow, London, Brussels - agrees that the situation has gotten out of hand and someone needs to step in and kick some ass. The UN then authorizes them to do so.
American and Soviet space-based ballistic missiles hit APSR and SADF positions, while an unprecedented joint SEAL/SAS/Spetsnaz operation infiltrates Pretoria and secures the city’s nukes, before Soviet and American airborne troops drop in to capture the Pretoria and Johannesburg in the early hours of the morning, securing both cities by the evening. High above the Earth, Soviet and American space marines board and occupy Overbeek Station without incident. European, British and American troops take Cape Town; Soviet, Australian and American troops grab Durban.
The Libyans began to withdraw when the Americans announced their intention to intercede, though it was the Soviets who were ultimately successful in convincing Gadaffi to pull out; Moscow convinces their new friends in Washington to hand over an item of very deep importance to the Colonel, which was sitting in a box somewhere in Langley since 1982. While the Libyans are not successful in retreating with all the hardware they flew in, it’s mostly outdated crap from the 70’s and 80’s anyway; Libyan T-55’s and South African Olifants ultimately proved no match for the high-tech M1 Abrams and T-90, and the South African Civil War brought deadly aerial and orbital weaponry to bare.
It takes around two months of fighting before the rebels and government forces come back to the peace table.
The Cape Town Talks go on for over a year, and are far less productive or measured this time around than the ones in Bloemfontein, dragging on into 2002. Insurgents cause trouble all over South Africa, and despite the international coalition's best efforts, foreign volunteers are still bringing weapons and fighters into the country. However, most ordinary people are sick of the killing by 2002. Violence, the average South African realizes, has solved nothing and brought naught but destruction and ill will to the whole land.
A peace deal is eventually brokered, which probably results in the partial dismemberment of South Africa. Control of Overbeek Station I see being transferred either to one of the South African successor states, being annexed by the US or UK, or perhaps going independent; it would be interesting if large numbers of white South Africans decide to make Overbeek Station their home and declare independence as the first extraterrestrial country.
In 2004, the Treaty of Cape Town is signed, partitioning South Africa into the Cape Republic (comprising the former Cape Province), the Mzansi Federation (the old Transvaal, Natal and Orange Free State provinces), Republic of Ciskei, Bophuthatswana Confederation and the Free Port of Durban - that last one dominated by South Africans of Indian, Chinese and Malay descent, like a weird African Singapore.
Even stranger is the independence of the Republic of Overbeek Station in 2005, the very first extraterrestrial nation-state, and a bit of a refuge for rich white South Africans. They’re not into Apartheid (that would just be bad PR), but the limited space available on the space station means they can justifiably be more...discriminating in who they allow to live on Overbeek. It wouldn’t be easy for a space colony to secede from Earth, but they’ll land on their feet. I can see them opening a casino, and maybe operating an off-shore (well, off-world) server for various “convenient” services and enterprises. If they play their cards right, perhaps Overbeek might evolve into a Stanford torus in the long-term.
The international coalition sticks around and continues fighting the insurgency, while gradually withdrawing from the region, until the last foreign troops leave around 2005, when the new security forces in the region take over.
Over time, these new countries (minus Overbeek) gradually begin to grow closer economically, as the wounds of the civil war begin to heal. The Association of South African Nations (ASAN) eventually becomes the foundation of the much larger Confederation of Azania, one of the Earth’s leading superpowers in 2185.
In the short term, however, South Africa’s “place in the sun” as a functional African economy is instead filled by Nigeria, and eventually the East African Federation; the latter especially after the collapse of the UK in the 2030’s, and the nationalization of the Royal Space Agency’s prestigious Kilimanjaro Spaceport makes East Africa a big shot in the space game.
Refugees from the South African Civil War (black and white) arrive in Europe, Canada, the United States, and to a far lesser extent, the Soviet Union.
There will of course be war crimes tribunals. The culprits behind the nuclear attacks will of course be tried and executed, as will the crimes of the Apartheid regime and the crimes committed by the black nationalist factions. The ANC might run Mzansi post-war, but that was a position they had to pay for with a good pound or two of flesh, and they had to throw a bunch of dudes under the bus to avoid much more severe consequences. While it may be tempting to have Apartheid war criminals in space, Overbeek is unlikely to even humor the idea of bringing them onboard; a space station has all the downsides of being an island and a landlocked country, so they can’t afford negative press. With regards to Gadaffi, he follows the ANC’s lead and probably throws some people under the bus to save his own ass. Maybe he gives up his WMD’s, or maybe he stops just short of that, or goes for the “nuclear ambiguity” route.
The South African conflict sees the US Army and Red Army (rivals in a yesterday's war that never happened) grow pretty chummy with one another, the blood of one mixing with the other on the battlefield. And while the Europeans start out as the dark horse of the coalition (multiple languages, roughly standardized equipment, lots of inexperienced troops, limited logistical ability) as the war goes on, they improve in leaps and bounds. This causes the Pentagon and the Kremlin to look at each other, and then at the blue cancer metastasizing and federalizing across Europe, and then back at each other. They then gulp nervously at the same time.
So, those are some loose ideas I have. I'd love to hear feedback and suggestions, to help me beef up the lore.

Subreddit	Title	Brand
AskReddit	What's something that seems normal in the United States, but weird in other countries?	United
DIY	I made a video on how to disassemble an Xbox One controller faceplate and paint it. I hope this helps others. Enjoy!	Xbox
AskReddit	What was your weirdest Uber ride?	Uber
philosophy	The Caterpillar on the Sunflower	Caterpillar
gaming	H1z1 Rust Xbox one	Xbox
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: Why do commonwealth nations refer to the alchemical solution for eternal life as the "Philosopher's Stone" while the United States refers to it as the "Sorceror's Stone"?	United
Showerthoughts	Mostly every road in the entire United Sates is connected.	United
AskReddit	Millennials of the United States, why are so many of you prudish when it comes to public nudity, i.e changing in a public locker room?	United
worldnews	Colombia's Farc rebels complete move to demobilisation zones - BBC News	BBC
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: How do the door alarms at places like Walmart know which items were purchased and which were not?	Walmart
food	I ate 19 course dinner at Aska, two star Michelin restaurant in Brooklyn	Michelin
Showerthoughts	Why do spirits start their contacts with mediums like Lassie asking for help for little Timmy and later end up as eloquent as Winston Churchill?	Winston
AskReddit	What is the best SUV to buy: Audi Q3, BMW X1, Mercedes GLA or other please tell us the name?	BMW
AskReddit	What is the best SUV to buy: Audi Q3, BMW X1, Mercedes GLA or other please tell us the name?	Audi
AskReddit	What should you ALWAYS do in the United States?	United
funny	My 5 year old learned how to use Google assistant	Google
funny	When your CV is shit but your Facebook has you covered.	Facebook
Music	Jesca Hoop - The Lost Sky Singer-Songwriter	Sky
pics	This just showed up on my Facebook feed.	Facebook
worldnews	A United States aircraft carrier strike group has begun patrols in the South China Sea, the U.S. navy said on Saturday, amid renewed tension over the disputed waterway. China's Foreign Ministry on Wednesday warned Washington against challenging its sovereignty,	United
nottheonion	Workmen's cafe overwhelmed with customers after it is accidentally awarded a Michelin star	Michelin
pics	Fire on the horizon - Orange County, California	Orange
videos	Charlie Brooker's How to Report the News - Newswipe - BBC Four	BBC
news	Florida man arrested in plot to get rich by bombing Target stores	Target
WritingPrompts	WP Decades from now, IBM debuts the ultimate supercomputer, Watson V, by setting it the task of solving the world's problems. At its internationally streamed public unveiling, Watson V reveals its solution: Destroy humanity.	IBM
pics	Hoag Hospital Newport Beach view 👌	Newport
worldnews	South China Sea: US carrier group begins 'routine' patrols - BBC News	BBC
AskReddit	Reddit, what mundane Google search had the most unexpected results for you?	Google
AskReddit	How many shopping carts could you steal from Walmart before they noticed?	Walmart
videos	Watch this Mister Rogers clip if you have the time to spare	Rogers
AskReddit	If Google is so powerful, why did Google + fail? Why is Facebook still a thing if google is so much better than them?	Google
AskReddit	If Google is so powerful, why did Google + fail? Why is Facebook still a thing if google is so much better than them?	Facebook
Showerthoughts	The ABC song is the same tune as Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star	ABC
WritingPrompts	PI After successfully destroying the British Wizarding community, Lord Voldemort turns his sights to the United States. He is shocked and unprepared when discovering that American wizards have combined magic with the 2nd Amendment.	United
funny	I've made a pretty good impression on the Tim Hortons I frequent.	Tim Hortons
worldnews	France warns the United States against the weakening of Europe	United
AskReddit	Why doesn't the United States have a Five Star General, and will we ever see another?	United
AskReddit	Serious Trump supporters of reddit: You and I are Americans. We are countrymen who want nothing but the best for the United States. Lets discuss the issues that bother you as an individual. I want to listen.	United
nottheonion	Taco Bell to offer wedding packages, marry customers at Las Vegas location	Bell
gaming	For Those Who Missed it so far: Total War: Warhammer is $12 along with several other games on Humble Bundle Monthly.	Total
videos	Why is this music video by an unknown Canadian DJ the #1 trending thing on Youtube worldwide?	Youtube
worldnews	Iraq announces west Mosul offensive - BBC News	BBC
AskReddit	Are Spiral LED bulbs fluorescent bulbs? Google ain't helping. My plant light that i buy at Walmart sucks, I read fluorescent bulbs work better for plants.	Google
AskReddit	Are Spiral LED bulbs fluorescent bulbs? Google ain't helping. My plant light that i buy at Walmart sucks, I read fluorescent bulbs work better for plants.	Walmart
AskReddit	If Facebook suddenly made everyone's search history public tomorrow, how would the world change?	Facebook
television	Apparently Planet Earth II is having its American premiere in ten minutes on BBC America?	BBC
videos	Trash Dove MEME REVIEW	Dove
AskReddit	If you had to pick one non-American from outside of North America sorry Justin Trudeau to be the next president of the United States, who would it be and why?	United
pics	Ottoman map of the United States 1803	United
gaming	Free Xbox One controller charging cables!	Xbox
AskReddit	Fellow citizens of the United States, is it possible for us to make a concerted effort to reference our great nation as The U.S. Or U.S.A. vs just America?	United
Showerthoughts	I've seen my father cry only twice in my lifetime; my grandfather once. Now being a father myself I cry at Subaru commercials.	Subaru
gaming	PlayStation Community v Xbox community	Xbox
AskReddit	How cringeworthy is the concept of a Facebook Manifesto?	Facebook
pics	The President and First Lady of the United States before a rally in Florida	United
mildlyinteresting	Taco Bell Diablo Sauce Packet With No Text	Bell
listentothis	Paolo Nutini -- Iron Sky soul-rock 2014	Sky
nottheonion	Shoplifters set small fire in Walmart as a diversion: Police	Walmart
worldnews	EU citizens 'denied residency documents' - BBC News	BBC
tifu	TIFU by telling an old acquaintance that I wanted him via Facebook messenger and now my boyfriend has broken up with me. A moment of weakness has turned into a lifetime of regret.	Facebook
todayilearned	TIL there are no Michelin star restaurants in Australia	Michelin
Documentaries	Hunter S. Thompson Omnibus 1978 - BBC program Omnibus features Nigel Finch's 50-minute 1978 documentary of Hunter S. Thompson and Ralph Steadman	BBC
WritingPrompts	WP A 5-year-old you is trying to make Lego spaceships and houses only to get frustrated when everything turns out to be a perfect scale replica of Auschwitz.	Lego
UpliftingNews	Workers cafe overwhelmed with customers after it is accidentally awarded a Michelin star	Michelin
todayilearned	TIL Britney Spears' disastrous 2007 MTV VMA performance of "Gimme More" caused the song to rocket to worldwide success instead.	MTV
space	Gravity probe exceeds performance goals - BBC News	BBC
Showerthoughts	I still have no idea what BASF makes or does.	BASF
movies	"Star Wars: The Last Jedi" is a plural usage of 'Jedi' as indicated by the Spanish Star Wars Twitter account.	Twitter
funny	New Ferrari Known as the SUPERFAST, this is what happens when you translate Italian into English. It sounds something 12 y/o would name a car.	Ferrari
videos	Understanding Nuclear Power Plants: Total Station Blackout	Total
science	An Artificial Intelligence AI program developed by Google has demonstrated human-like aggression during simulations.	Google
videos	Unsub Glitch and New Youtube Mascot!	Youtube
OldSchoolCool	1968 Jim Morrison & Harrison Ford backstage at the Bakersfield Civic Center, when Harrison Ford worked as a cameraman grip for The Doors	Ford
funny	Women Shopping-Women With Heart Shaped Butt in United State Shopping Mall	United
Showerthoughts	When Google doesn't show suggestions for your question you know the question must be really fucking stupid	Google
AskReddit	If we had Twitter throughout our history what would be some of the most interesting tweets?	Twitter
worldnews	Swedes Are Bashing Trump on Twitter For Refering to Non-Existent Refugee 'Incident' in Sweden	Twitter
todayilearned	TIL the coins of the United Kingdom can be arranged to create the Royal coat of arms.	United
dataisbeautiful	The dead population vs the alive population- BBC News	BBC
gaming	Compass_CS and False Youtube Copyright Claims: Legend of Zelda	Youtube
worldnews	Download Youtube Videos Easily In Tamil	Youtube
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: Why are video game teams are now Blue vs Orange instead of red ?	Orange
funny	I wish I could be as dedicated to anything as my friend is to this yearly conversation with his friend on an old Facebook Profile Pic	Facebook
mildlyinteresting	This IKEA store has a parking spot for shopping carts	IKEA
worldnews	Workmen's cafe overwhelmed with customers after it is accidentally awarded a Michelin star	Michelin
worldnews	The United Arab Emirates UAE awarded 4.5 billion dirhams $1.2 billion in military procurement deals on Sunday, part of a total of 20 billion dirhams worth of purchases it expects to make at an arms fair	United
Showerthoughts	Liking someone's photo on Facebook is the equivalent of poking someone and then walking away	Facebook
gaming	My Xbox 360 Elite really living up to it's name. 10 years old and still running like a champ.	Xbox
worldnews	Thousands vie for Naked Man title in Japan - BBC News	BBC
EarthPorn	Stunning Stars Over The Grand Teton National Park Night Sky by Serge Skiba OC 1024 x 768	Sky
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: Google and other ranking systems for local businesses	Google
Jokes	What is written on the inside of an Intel processor?	Intel
Music	Fenne Lily - "Bud" ignore the shit Burberry marketing Acoustic - YouTube https://t.co/aamgz5RmxE	Burberry
movies	All the Deep Cut Easter Eggs in 'The Lego Batman Movie'	Lego
AskReddit	What are your Uber horror stories?	Uber
todayilearned	TIL the mobile game "Send Me to Heaven" involves throwing your phone as high in the air as you can. the creator said he made it with the hope of destroying as many iPhones as possible, but Apple banned it from the App Store.	Apple
AskReddit	Bagpackers of Reddit, What are some of the best destinations you've visited? Biggest obstacle faced there? Craziest things to do? Total trip cost?	Total
todayilearned	TIL when Seal Team Six was founded, there were only two other Seal teams. Richard Marcinko purportedly named the unit SEAL Team Six in order to confuse other nations, specifically the Soviet Union, into believing that the United States had at least three other SEAL teams that they were unaware of.	United
television	Doctor Who: Goodbye Twelve - BBC One TV Trailer	BBC
worldnews	Former Swedish Prime Minister Carl Bildt took to Twitter early Sunday to mock President Donald Trump after Trump used a terror attack in Sweden that never happened: ‘What has he been smoking?’	Twitter
funny	So apparently Lego heads are the same size as .45 ACP	Lego
AskReddit	Mount Rushmore depicts 4 presidents of the United States of America because of their importance. What kind of memorial would Donald Trump deserve?	United
worldnews	Somalia Mogadishu car bomb: At least 16 people killed - BBC News	BBC
worldnews	What happened last night, Swedes ask Trump - BBC News	BBC
videos	Taking Youtube back to memory lane and KSI from 13k to 16million	Youtube
worldnews	Dozens of asylum seekers, baby, cross into Manitoba Sunday - The refugee claimants fleeing the United States are the latest to cross into Canada	United
DIY	Install and Unboxing a Ford Performance by Borla Sport Exhaust for my 2016 Mustang GT. This thing screams!	Ford
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: What caused unemployment to rise in the United States from 2000 to 2003?	United
science	Gecko eludes foes with tearaway skin - BBC News	BBC
Showerthoughts	Taco Bell is the real In-N-Out	Bell
AskReddit	What can be accomplished by mocking and harassing the President of United States?	United
aww	My Orange Baby	Orange
mildlyinteresting	Struck by blue screen on death. Nike regent street.	Nike
Documentaries	The Strange Case of Yukio Mishima 1985 - BBC - Mishima was considered a complex literary genius since the age of 24, whose life turned and ended with him turning to Right Wing politics, committing ritual suicide after attempting to over through the Japanese Government.	BBC
todayilearned	TIL Michael Jackson purchased the publishing rights to The Beatles song catalogue for $47.5 million, against the advice of his counsel. 30 years later it was resold to Sony for $750 million, nearly a 1500% increase in value.	Sony
Jokes	Is Google a boy or girl?	Google
todayilearned	TIL Burger King gives out gold cards to celebrities, giving them a limitless supply of food at Burger King	Burger King
AskReddit	Should Twitter revoke Trumps account? Why or why not?	Twitter
TwoXChromosomes	I'm a Uber driver and picked up the biggest douchebag last night, and he proceeds to tell me all about how he basically terrorize this poor girl.	Uber
mildlyinteresting	Both sauces came from the same Burger King but they are two different sizes	Burger King
OldSchoolCool	A group of high school drivers' education students practice their skills in model cars inside the classroom, part of the Aetna Drivotrainer system, 1950s.	Aetna
videos	Online Casino Caught Cheating	Casino
gaming	Just finished my first Xbox skin	Xbox
OldSchoolCool	My late grandpa getting an autograph with Mohammed Ali at the BBC studio in 1977. Champ.	BBC
food	I ate KFC Georgia Gold tenders	KFC
food	i ate Boule nacree aux fruits exotiques emulsion neigeuse au Passoa	au
AskReddit	Serious Why are certain religions being promoted as progressive in the United States, while in countries dominated by that religion there is extreme prejudice against the LGBQT community?	United
AskReddit	Other than Facebook, Youtube and Reddit, what are some websites you frequently visit?	Youtube
personalfinance	Collections letter from Verizon Wireless, no account and nothing on Credit Score	Verizon
Futurology	Magic Leap acquires 3D division of Dacuda in Zurich Xpost /MagicLeap	Zurich
mildlyinteresting	Really small bowl? Really big Lego guy?	Lego
gaming	How to install and play DOOM on your Porsche 911	Porsche
mildlyinteresting	Melting lamp posts in Halifax Nova Scotia	Halifax
OldSchoolCool	Taken in the mid 80's- My grandfather, Ronald Wright, worked as a sound technician for CBS for many years and eventually retired with them. Here he is fitting our 40th President Ronald Regan with his microphone before a live broadcast. Sorry about the quality.	CBS
news	Kraft Heinz abandons £115bn Unilever mega-deal	Unilever
videos	How to mod your Porsche 911 to run Doom in 3 easy steps	Porsche
personalfinance	Using Discover It CC to pay for tuition	Discover
gaming	Guy Mods His Porsche 911 to Run Doom Game Played at 2:54	Porsche
worldnews	Kraft Heinz drops Unilever takeover bid	Unilever
WritingPrompts	WP You're in Walmart and you pass the wall of missing children. You notice a photo of an infant child last seen decades ago, along with a picture of what they might look like today. It's undeniable - this second picture is you.	Walmart
mildlyinteresting	My Xbox perfectly aligns with my TV	Xbox
videos	How to mod your Porsche 911 or other car to run Doom in 3 easy steps	Porsche
Documentaries	A Challenge to Democracy 1944 A Film On The United State's Governments Forced Internment of Japanese-Americans During WWII Which Began 75 Years Ago Today	United
mildlyinteresting	This KFC has a spork option	KFC
mildlyinteresting	This McDonald's fry is unusually long.	McDonald's
pics	The art you'll find on a Walmart iPad.	Walmart
mildlyinteresting	I used all the pieces of this IKEA train set in a continuous loop, with no additional pieces	IKEA
pics	A Chinese typewriter made by IBM which can print over 5000 different characters	IBM
AskReddit	We all know BMW drivers are the biggest assholes on the road. Who's the 2nd biggest?	BMW
explainlikeimfive	ELI5 What power does the United Nations actually have?	United
Futurology	Can Facebook Help Humanity Take Its “Next Step”?	Facebook
news	French diner receives accidental prestigious Michelin Star.	Michelin
news	Mysterious Purple Glow Spotted in Sky over Metro Vancouver appears to be from a local Langley greenhouse that is testing out some new technology.	Sky
todayilearned	TIL the official name for Mexico is the United Mexican States.	United
personalfinance	almost accepted credit card offer but Citi changed APR	Citi
AskReddit	People who like Coke or Pepsi but hate the other. Why?	Pepsi
todayilearned	TIL that since 2011, Sweden's official Twitter account is run by a different citizen curator each week, empowering the people to share stories of their country.	Twitter
videos	How to mod your Porsche 911 to run Doom	Porsche
gaming	How to mod your Porsche 911 to run Doom	Porsche
pics	Stopped to take a photo of some big surf on my way to work. A couple hours later I got a notification that Google "stylized" my picture.	Google
Documentaries	Behind Bars: Prisons Undercover 2017. A BBC Panorama documentary on a private prison in the North of England run by Sodexo	BBC
mildlyinteresting	New Subway train in Moscow, Russia.	Subway
Jokes	Francis Ford Coppola directed the film "Jack".	Ford
UpliftingNews	Workmen's cafe overwhelmed with customers after it is accidentally awarded a Michelin star	Michelin
Showerthoughts	"Jinx, poke, you owe me a Coke" must be the most worn-out phrase at the Coca-Cola facilities in Atlanta	Coca-Cola
worldnews	British Citizens becoming increasingly unlikely and concerned about travelling to the United States under new Phone Data Search laws.	United
UpliftingNews	Face transplant recipient overwhelmed by result - BBC News	BBC
sports	Funny post game interview on Sky Sports pool	Sky
gaming	How to mod your Porsche 911 or other car to run Doom in 3 easy steps	Porsche
todayilearned	TIL 7 of the United State's "10 most congested highways" are in Los Angeles, making it one of the biggest fuel-wasting regions in the area.	United
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: In "The Social Network", Sean Parker played by Justin Timberlake said that he would put Facebook on two continents. What does that mean?	Facebook
pics	When you leave Verizon for Sprint but realize Sprint doesn't even work	Verizon
pics	When you leave Verizon for Sprint but realize Sprint doesn't even work	Sprint
Music	Mumford and Sons to boycott Swedish music festival after sexual assaults - BBC News	BBC
news	Goat and UPS Driver Form Unlikely Friendship: 'She Is Always Around for a Great Laugh'	UPS
AskReddit	Who would be the best President for the United States that would be make everyone happy?	United
food	Homemade Chocolate Casoncelli on Blood Orange Fillets with Caramelized Peanut Kernels	Orange
space	Donald J. Trump on Twitter - "It is very sad to see what @BarackObama has done with NASA. He has gutted the program and made us dependent on the Russians."	Twitter
funny	In August, I posted a pic from my local grocery store to my personal Facebook page... months later I'm finding it as a meme. The power of the Internet.	Facebook
movies	I started writing long form film reviews last year on Facebook and recently launched my own website! I'd love to get some opinions!	Facebook